Positive Parenting

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Comment by Heather on November 9, 2010 at 11:30am

I have four teenagers two that live in my home now. I would love to learn to be a positive parent. My boys are 16 and 17 years old and behind in school; they have very little structure. I focus on allowing to make there own success and failures, but there expectations are unreasonable. They don't want to be parented all the while there lives are just drifting. Thanks for lessoning I love the great welcome !!!

Comment by Jensine on November 4, 2010 at 3:06pm

Hey Chelle,

Sorry it's taken me so long, been a little poorly so not really up to much! Still, all is well now:-)

Thanks so much for your lovely message here and the email, which I WILL get to! lol please know I love hearing from you!

lol, a special needs cat? How is that? Bless! We have two cats, one called Poppy who's just over a year and our baby, called Eiger (after the mountain) who's about 8 months but still extremely small and doesn't really like people which is a little bit of a problem. Lucy and I joke that whenever someone comes over, she goes up stairs for some "alone time" lol It's very funny!

Wow, Ethan and Zoe sound like they are doing brilliantly, I'm so pleased! And I'm so glad you're enjoying it all more, you sound like a wonderful mum:-) It's lovely that they are starting to enjoy each other, brothers and sisters can be so lovely together. Sometimes I feel that maybe Lucy is missing out not having brothers or sisters, but she is very close to her cousins. I would like to foster one day though.

Thank you for your comment on Lucy, she is a lovely girlie:-) You're right, we're so often caught up in teaching children that we forget that THEY teach us something probably every day! I try and remember that. Infact Lucy sat me down tonight and give me some good solid advice on friendships LOL imagine that, my teenager giving me advice!!!! She was totally and utterly right however! I think the important thing is not to think we have all the answers, I think that's a terrible message to put across to children, because of course, we don't!

I'm currently running a parenting program, which I constantly learn more from whenever I run them. I'll let you know anything that comes up, as it's a 0-6 year old program. Fun to run!

Anyway, will reply to your email as soon as, but wanted to say hi and hope your having a great week!

Hugs


Jensine x

Comment by Jensine on November 4, 2010 at 3:20am

Hi Heather,

Sorry for the delay, this isn't used very much!

Yes, I have a teenager! See above! lol

Tell us about you Heather?

Hugs


Jensine x

Comment by Heather on November 2, 2010 at 10:06am

Hello fellow co-creators!!! I am happy to be apart of the Positive Parenting Group!! I look forward to co-creating with you all!!Anyone have teenagers?

Comment by Jensine on October 20, 2010 at 1:12am

Ah Michele, you are such a sweetie, I would love to see you in action as a mum! Ooops, as I was typing that my kitten just jumped on me to say goodmorning lol, bit of a shock! Bless her!
How are Ethan and Zoe doing? Lucy is doing well, making me laugh as usual. We have such a funny time of it, she makes me laugh constantly and always has done. She's definitely taught me how to laugh more.

Work is great as always. Do you work when your not at home with the children? What did you do previously?

Sorry, being totally nosy I know lol

Have to drag myself from my bed soon, which is so much easier when I have my lumie clock, but it's off being repaired!

Have an awesome day, and I look forward to all your parenting tales....

huge hugs


jensine x

Comment by Jensine on October 12, 2010 at 1:49am

Ahh Michele, that is so sweet, thank you so much for getting back to me and I look forward to anything you send me.

Happy thanksgiving!!!! :-) Is that today? Yesterday? We don't celebrate it here but I would love to as I imagine it would be my favourite holiday!

Hugs

Jensine x

Comment by Jensine on October 10, 2010 at 4:24am

Hi Michele,

Sorry again for the delay. If ever you want to email me direct, my email is Jensinetm@yahoo.com, use it whenever you feel the need.

Thanks so much for the background, but firstly and most importantly.........you gotta stop being so hard on yourself!!!! Blaming yourself is not appropriate, fair, or conducive to being a great parent, I promise you! The only times I find things ever go wrong with my Lucy is when I blame myself about things, which leads to guilt, which leads to being a bit of a crap parent till I snap myself out of it.

LOL in no means am I saying that you are a crap parent, you sound like a wonderful one, but trust me, blaming yourself is not something you should be doing.

Sounds like your little Zoe is a hugely powerful creator and all she's doing is letting you know that. She's letting you know that you don't have to dictate for her, that's she's more than capable of doing things for herself. YES even at such a young age.

My biggest piece of advice to you is one, don't react (which it sounds like you are doing, brilliant, brilliant, brilliant!!!!!) . Also just keep giving her choices all the time, as long as she feels like she's not being controlled she'll grow out of the tantrums totally. Also, I find that parents can sometimes say no for no real reason. They are so worried about making sure their kids will do as they tell them that they say no just to retain control. I've found with my daughter that if I watch when I'm saying no, I noticed that I was saying no for no real reason. (this was when she was younger). So I stopped saying no. Some people see that as her getting what she wants all the time, but why shouldn't she? Isn't that what we all want? And if there's no real reason why she shouldn't have it/do it, then why shouldn't she??? I've learnt that by saying no only when there is a real valid reason for it, means that when I do say no she knows I mean it.

Alot of parents are shocked by the amount I let her do, but I have rules in that I only say no if she may be seriously seriously hurt (so climbing a tree is ok, climbing a building is not lol).

I believe that this is the reason she is such a confident, stable, well balanced young lady. Infact I get comments all the time at how kind, confident etc. she is. And she never falls and hurts herself (hasn't in years) because she has total belief in herself.

She prove it even further, she's a teenager, and whilst everyone else is moaning about their teens, Lucy continues to be a total angel. I stick to the same principles now as I always have done. She does what she wants, and because I allow her to do that, she's always trustworthy, safe, and tells me absolutely everything about what she's doing, I never have to ask.

lol, sorry, to say I'm proud of her is a serious understatement!

Just one last thing. When she was very young and was throwing a tantrum and there was a real reason for her not having what she wanted that she didn't get I would just hold her and let her scream. Just letting her know that it's ok to be angry is a huge huge lesson for children. It's something I use all the time in work, too many kids are taught that being angry is not ok, but it so is! It's natural! It's just how we handle it that is key. So I would just hold Lucy, let her rant and then give her a cuddle and reassure her that I still loved her. That phase did not last long.

Enough for now??? lol

Huge hugs


Jensine x

Comment by Jensine on October 5, 2010 at 1:56pm

Hi Michele,

Welcome!!!:-) Sorry if it's taken me a while to reply, I don't check in often as no one seems to really use it, not sure why:-)

Sounds like you've had a tough few years! That you're at this website is a clear, clear sign that things are only going to get better for you which is lovely:-)

I'm sure others would have some advice, but here's mine for your daughter.

Firstly, I have been there, plus I'm a single mum and was when Lucy was going through this stage. I'm also a learning mentor so my work is with children.

Firstly, I'd need to know a bit more about what you mean about her being defiant? Can you give examples?

Secondly, giving choices is always a brilliant thing for kids of any age. It allows the child the power of choice, but within limits lol For example if you want her to get her shoes and coat on, you might say "ok, so do you want to put on your shoes or your coat first?" That's very simplistic, it would be easier with examples from you lol.

Also, something that changed my my parenting views completely was a book called How To Talk So Kids will listen and listen so kids will talk. Or something like that, by Adele Faber. Honestly, it set the tone for my entire parenting with Lucy and it's worked wonders. She is now a happy, confident, caring teenager and I couldn't be more proud of her. I credit the stuff I learned from that book for much of it. Plus a lot of patience on both our parts lol

Hope that helps to get you started, email me if you have anymore specific, I'm always happy to help.

Jensine x

Comment by Jensine on July 7, 2010 at 1:11pm

Hi guys,

I'm glad this group is getting used a little more! I had such high hopes for it!!!

Rebecca, I loved reading your post about meditation with children, I agree, it's a brilliant thing to start them with. My daughter experienced the "relax kids" meditations from the age of about four, and I credit them with part of the reason she is so secure, confident and happy now. I also use them in school and the kids always love them.

I don't remember particularly having a problem with Lucy hitting things or people, but I know from my point of view (and I'm loving the crystal idea too!) if she did anything wrong, I would gently remove her from it, say quietly no and then place her doing something that was a good choice.

ha ha, I remember that constant energy too! Don't you wish you had even half of it????;-)

I'm so blessed to be a mummy too!!! My little girl/teenager ha ha is in Germany on a school trip right now and everyone says I must be enjoying the peace and quiet......yes, i like my own time but I miss her like crazy, she's my angel!!!!

Keep it coming Becca!!! Maybe we can get this group really going for it, like you said, these little guys are our greatest teachers! I think that every day when I'm surrounded by them.

Hugs


Jensine x

Comment by Rebecca Louise Lewis-Rowan on July 7, 2010 at 12:12pm

Morning, all! I wanted to share a lovely idea I read about last night.

I've been reading about meditating for young children (which is working absolute wonders with my 3 year old, by the way!) and I found a book called Baby Buddhas by Lisa Desmond. She has a wonderful suggestion for teaching children to be loving with their hands. She keeps a crystal/stone she calls the love crystal. If one of her children is unkind with their hands, she sits them down quietly and tells them that she wants them to hold the love crystal until they feel ready to be kind and loving with their hands.

I love this gentle but firm approach! I can't wait to try it with Raurie! He's generally pretty good with people, but he tends to hit the dog when he get's frustrated with him. I would also highly recommend guided meditation with your little ones. My son is up to 10 minutes of lying quietly with his eyes closed and a smile on his face while I guide him through gentle little story meditations. This is a pretty big deal in my family, as he can't seem to sit still for more than a few seconds at a time, from the moment he opens his eyes in the morning until he collapses in exhaustion at night :)

Have a great day, everyone! -Becca

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