InfiniteMagik's Page

So, I've started working as a hostess at a restaurant temporarily. One thing I've noticed about myself on a much deeper level is my need for acceptance. I constantly need to feel validated. Working my new job has opened my eyes even more to the fact that the acceptance I've been so desperatly seeking ive been looking for in the wrong place. I've placed my happiness in the hands of people who do not truly matter. Constantly trying to fit in worrying what they might think. Its just…

So, I think im around day 70 something at this point...havent been on here in a while though.

Went to Rockfest with the guy I am attempting to be in a relationship with, as usual I was closed off alot of the time, but, something significant also happened. Hes a very wise person and at one point we were having a kind of life talk and the things he was saying just got through to  me on such a deep level that I felt like a  changed person when I got back home. Being around soeone who I…

I havent really been keeping up with the 100 day challenge to be honest. Though I do try to remind myself.

I have attempted to get involved in a relationship, turns out to be very distracting. I forgot how much I am NOT ready nor do I enjoy being in relationships because 1: Im confused about the relationship I have with myself which only gets projected onto my relationships with other people and 2: That being said I do not trust people easily and have a hard time understanding why…

I feel stuck lately. I dont think im ready to be with someone, the resistence I have to letting go and trusting turns my attempt at opening my heart to someone else into a painful obstacle. Something is just off. I'm deeply uncomfortable in this situation. So what now?

Its like...should I push through or just give up? Should I even  have to "push" through to begin with when it comes to love? Or is it a necessary step that will lead to something positive? Maybe now is just not the…