Chiara's Blog (16)

I see myself happy in a nice house, with a lot of light coming inside from the windows, a nice garden outside with flowers and grass. It s warm, but a nice a breeze is in the house. I am changing one of my little kids the other one is playing on the wooden floor. I feel happy and grateful to be able to live the motherhood experience..

I see myself in a nice warm country, going around in a open 4*4 in a bulky street leading to a non turistic peaceful beach, we are dressed with light…

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In this first part of the challange everythin I have tried helped in putting light and optimism in my day, probably is the conscient focus on try to make of my current experience a wonderful experience and taking actions toward this goal the thing that actually works. Every little step taken with the aim of making my life a more happy life works, it can be watching an inspiratioanl video, writing in the blog, being more open toward people, emotional freedom tecnique, mindfulness, phisical…

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Today I am doing the exercise to write about relationships of the past that have not be resolved somehow. I write here something that I wish to say to them (and maybe I ll also try to explain and pacify with the real persons afterwards).

To C. --> You have been a sweet and respectful friend since elementary shool, memories of our childhood links us in our memories. I have been close to you and then pushed you away twice because of some aspects of your personality that were not…

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I am continuing my challange from where I left it, after a couple of months. It s my first challange I hope the following will be better, but instead of quitting and restart I try to continue :p no matter how long it will take me to arrive to day 100. I am the master of starting many things and living them half way trough but I accept and love myself the way I am!

I am back today in my beautiful luminous apartment, my sister had a baby, lovely little chicken and I have spent some days…

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These lasts days I learned something :)

1. The mental is keeping me imprisoned :p it s like my mind has a special power of going rapidly through all the aspects of my life and to ALWAYS find, focus and make giant something that could go wrong! All the hundreds of nice positive lovely things are disregarded!

I guess it s a survival instinct of self protection from danger, but it means leaving in fear that something goes wrong and focusing on the negative..which is the…

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Since Alex is away since Thursday I am spending some days alone. I should eat well, it s quite difficult to resist to temptations not having anyone to check on me! :p

The intention of today was to practice more than reading. I have done an excellent meditation on the archangel Micheal in the moring. Much more valuable than pages of books on how I created my cancer! Today I felt it is enough of wondering on the reasons, it s time to just allow the light to operate as much as possible…

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I am focused on stimulating my creativity by starting to write a journal, today I finished a very nice first page that I am proud of. I am focusing on letting less the logic and the need to be exhaustive and precise ruleing and leave the space for spontaneity and inspiration. I asked the help of the archangel Uriel for communication , inspiration, ideas for my journal.

After being scared in these last days of having to do a second little surgery I had the good news that I can continue…

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With the Christmas holidays I stopped the challange. I kept notes on the most important feelings and thoughts I had but I felt often frustrated of not having the time to take care of me as I need.

I had my family coming here for Christmas, it was nice but I also felt the tension of assuring that everyone was having a good time, by doing so I ended up being tense and nervous most of the time. The time to medidate and recharge the energies would be extremely important in the moments of…

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I have noted in the last days that during the day I am much more positive than in the evening. In the evening, with the dark outside I feel the fear and anxiousity for different aspects coming back and make me feel sad. In the morning and during the day I am instead happy, I have my routin of blogging, reading something nice, do the exercises for the arms, watching a video-interview of Lilou, playing a bit computer, arrange some practic/planning aspects for the next days, being in contact…

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Today's intention is to start to understand how to make my Alex happy :p With the focus on the new apartment and the two new jobs in the last full year, dispite the growing love and harmony with my him (and the wedding proposal taht was very romantic and made me very happy) I realized that many days we have not being taking much care of the other and we were living a routin of work and watchin some tv series day after day. Also I was letting too much of my stress or anxiosity out on him,…

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Today I woke up more positive, it helped to have received a nice gift from the colleagues at work, an encouraging comment to one of my posts and to write some of the things I am grateful for in the gratitude group :)

The most difficult thing I am facing in these days is to fight the negative, dark, isolation thoughts that spontaneusly represent themselves as dreams during the night and as fear during the day. It is understandable when your life is reshuffled with such a news and with…

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Today I came back home from the hospital, I noticed that my subconscious has been impacted by all the examinations, injections, fears of the last period. I m scared things will not be light and positive as they were before because of this shadow of the chemo to come and the body not as beautiful as before. I had not set a precise intention of today; but because the purpose of this challange is to make this cancer experience something positive I need to learn new things and try new things..in a… Continue

Today has been a real challange, I have cut and operated in different places: ovaries, installation of the little reservoir to put the chemo, 4 linfonodes removed and the cancer removed with breast remodelled. Dispite all the willigness to stay positive to have all these pains in different parts of the body is logorating and scaring :( I had panic attacks in the night..I was scared of not breathing any more I did not sleep last night at all. The intention for today was to let the body restore… Continue

The gratitude exercise of yesterday brought me an amazing positivity. I have been treated with care and pleasantness by all the doctor and nurses and I have received an amazing sustain from my family, colleagues and friends. AMAZING, not only the you re going to get well kind of messages but lovely texts about my strenght, the spiritual support that I have in this moment, the many other qualities I have, the amazing life change that this experience is that will transform me an my life deeaply… Continue

This morning I have arrived at the hospital, I have a full day of examination. Now I m writing waiting for the glucose mix injected to make effect before the pet scan. The challange for today is to observe the nurses and doctors at the hospital and find humanity and gentlenes in their daily work and to understand how when they are less nice it is due to pain and worries of their life.

A smile, a little joke or a little gentle act make the difference. I should be more attentive toward the… Continue

This is day one of my 100 days challenge.. while watching the tv less than two months ago I found in on of my boobs a little ball that I did not remember to have never felt before. it was quite round and little but easily identifiable as different from the rest of the tissue. I asked my fiancé Alex to feel it too and he was also a bit surprised. I already had an appointment at the ginecologyst forseen for the 1st of December becasue we were planning to start trying having a kid in January,…

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