I write this entry as a cathartic way to express my angst and hopefully find some clarity. Raising my son proves to be the most beautiful and challenging thing I have ever done. It's challenges though can shake you to your core. Always struggling thru life w/ indecision, self doubt, I tried to read all i could ...prepare my body mentally and physically before giving birth. I felt like THIS I would do right, especially after my son was born I have never loved anything so much in my life at times… Continue
Added by Kaizen on December 13, 2009 at 4:01am —
I am so excited to be back and writing, and especially to be sharing this journey with my sister. I moved far away from home, miss her and I love being able to connect with her through such a positive medium.
I guess my biggest most fantastic manifestation (ever really!) since Season 1 was I DID get pregnant, and had a beautiful baby boy on Sept. 7th (Logan). I used the principles of co-creating and made a vision board to help me focus through my pregnancy. I really wanted to have a… Continue
Added by Kaizen on November 20, 2009 at 2:07am —
Yikes, the days are just flying by! I've been struggling lately physically not feeling well. I usually don't get sick, but I think with the physical exhaustion(at the end of my training), and all of the emotional stress with changing jobs, etc. My system is a bit run down. Trying to be gentle with myself and just lay low and recoup before my first day on Monday.
I am quite nervous (and excited). I really want to be engaged and fully present in my job. My brain has a tendency to "haze" when… Continue
Added by Kaizen on October 4, 2008 at 1:08pm —
Last night turned out to be a great night at work and 1 LEFT!!! Wohoo! I am really looking forward to moving on. I also got handed a blessing today. As I've been trying to wrap things up....school projects, last day in ER, decreasing hrs with NTC, and then preparing for a new job. My boss called today and "let me go" from my casual position. I LOVE working for NTC, they are an amazing group of nurses, but I was feeling a bit stressed of how I was going to manage a full time job, plus 2 casual… Continue
Added by Kaizen on September 30, 2008 at 7:09pm —
Yesterday turned out to be a great day. Had a new friend come over and made some jewelry. So nice to find someone who is interested in the same things! Very easy to talk with and just "hang out". I feel very grateful for the new circle of friends I have found. Very nourishing to the soul...
Today I find I am battling the persistent negative thoughts and anxiety that seem to ooze from me....I do find at least now as I speak, I recognize them as such and try to make a concious decision… Continue
Added by Kaizen on September 25, 2008 at 12:57pm —
Yesterday was my first day at my new job...It was a monthy nurses meeting, I got to meet all of the nurses I will be working with and clarify my role. It will be a lot more traveling than I anticipated, I will be away 3 days a week. I do enjoy the quiet time though. This will give me a chance to immerse myself into my work. I've traveled in the area before so I feel comfortable with the area (running trails/restraunts/grocery stores , etc.) I think my new role is going to be very challenging,… Continue
Added by Kaizen on September 23, 2008 at 12:19pm —
It seems today to be so appropriate that it is the fall equinox, and I have my firt meeting with my new job today. It truly feels like my "leaves have changed", that I am finally harvesting the fruit from a long year of planting/tending and growing the seeds to my new life. This life has truly morphed, and it all had to do with changing my mind set. The life I've created is truly where I want to be. I truly think this is "my year", where I finally, without apology am going to be true to myself… Continue
Added by Kaizen on September 22, 2008 at 11:11am —
My horoscope seems right on the money today!! In an hour I will be at my first Yoga Developement class. I'm SO excited.
I've studied about so many things on my own for so many years without anyone to truly discuss things with. I'm really looking forward to experiencing yoga ...mind body and soul, as well as openly connecting with others. I tend to keep quite a gaurd up, I want to let that down let go of judgement (of myself especially) and just "be". I found my first yoga class with the… Continue
Added by Kaizen on September 21, 2008 at 12:56pm —
I had a good 2 days, Had a nice visit with the in-laws and then headed for work. The night was busy but went by fast so that was good. I look forward to no more night shifts!!
We had dinner with some friends tonight, nice to connect again. It had been a while. I really look up to her for guidance both personally and as a nurse. She's a wonderful friend.
I'm ready for bed though.
I want to heal quickly from these coinciding infections that I'm battling.
Added by Kaizen on September 21, 2008 at 1:14am —
I can't believe how fast this month is flying by! It is in a good way though for sure. I am really enjoying being present in my daily life. I also really like the concept that "I am not my emotions" I was able to seperate last night...after a long shift/hungry and tired. I was a bit agitated making a full dinner at 8:30 at night, was getting a little "snippy" ;) and took a minute to take a few breaths, and let go of that emotion and then had a wonderful night enjoying a great movie and dinner… Continue
Added by Kaizen on September 19, 2008 at 1:07pm —
This will be quick...
I gave my notice yesterday YAY!!
Today I want to talk with Maureen about using my vacation time...or I'll submit for all my remaining days off.
I WANT TO HAVE Setpember 28th off so I can have a romantic weekend away with G for our Anniversary.
Yesterday had good interactions....S was super supportive, and I may have helped to identify someone with Celiac disease. I hope she seeks help if that is what it is. It is so… Continue
Added by Kaizen on September 18, 2008 at 9:51am —
Well I didn't get a message in my sleep, but I did think of a great project idea "by coincidence" ;) while making coffee. I'm going to make sage bundles, but decorate the handle portion the same way they decorate the base of feathers. I've never seen it done before, and I made a few this afternoon and they turned out beautiful... I grow some sage at my house, and then as I was talking with a friend she "so happened" to be taking out her sage bush at home and offered me the whole thing!! Wohoo.… Continue
Added by Kaizen on September 16, 2008 at 8:51pm —
So I'm a bit after the fact today...but I've been "present"in my mind all day at least.
Last night we had a wonderful Full Moon bonfire, so good in fact we didn't get home until 3:30am and then were up at 7:30. Needless to say I'm quite tired.
I'm not quite sure why I insist on drinking , I had a headache just after a few hrs of drinking some wine. I think the tannins really bother me.
Anyway, I had a great day. I officially signed onto my new job, met my… Continue
Added by Kaizen on September 16, 2008 at 1:02am —
It's a gorgeous day here, it's wonderful. I just love the sun. Tonight we're going to have our Full moon Bonfire, so I'm really looking forward to that. It's kinda neat how that's just developed . I LOVE celebrating the full moon.
For whatever reason (I'm thinking it's job related/ having to give my notice/ asking for vacation etc....) I'm quite anxious and disconnected today. I hate this feeling and wish I could learn how to work through it better. Anytime I have to "go against the grain"… Continue
Added by Kaizen on September 14, 2008 at 2:20pm —
Yesterday was a great recovery day. I was greatful no to be stressed about getting my tasks done. I attended a Reiki circle last night which was awesome. Great to get back into giving treatments and just wonderful to recieve. I was told I was "glowing" when I got home!! There is a true "network" going on (like seen in WTB) everyone lately seems to be connected...in an odd way. It's like it's all supposed to be happening. Maybe I'm finally "going WITH the flow" and this is what it feels like.… Continue
Added by Kaizen on September 9, 2008 at 9:46am —
A quick note....getting ready to go camping!
I'm still floating from my amazing news yesterday! Yay I can't believe it. The LOA ROCKS!
I'm leaving to go camping with some new friends...I've let go of my control issues and am leaving "on a whim" and trying to invest time and energy into a friendship/s that I think are very positive. I'm want to be open, and let all my insecurities go and truly embrace connection. It is nothing to be afraid of.
I'll write when I… Continue
Added by Kaizen on September 5, 2008 at 10:14am —
I didn't have a chance to write yesterday so I'll start with my day 6...
Work was extremely busy, and I managed to keep it together. I find that staying "within myself" makes things easier. And to take on the action of "observing" my feelings/reactions instead of internalizing really seems to help. Though I came home physically exhauseted, emotionally I was ok.
I watched a video on youtube yesterday and something really hit me. She was talking about learning how to shift your… Continue
Added by Kaizen on September 3, 2008 at 7:41pm —
So I had a "managable" day at work yesterday, which is definitely an improvement. Ususally I come home pissed off, crying or totally wiped out. It seems to take so much energy to stay on an even keel there. Anyway, all went well and I tried to stay above the negativity. I got to hold an adorable baby (who was NOT crying!!) which brought me a lot of happiness.
I never imagined it( I love pregnant women/little babies), but I actually find it hard to be around people who are pregnant/or just… Continue
Added by Kaizen on September 1, 2008 at 4:47pm —
This one will be a quicky as I'm off to work soon. (This is one of the area's I really struggle in! I find it difficult to stay positive and to not let others negativity effect me while at work)
Today I want to be present in the moment. Appreciate the job that I have, and to refuse negativity today.
I want to make a positive difference in someone's life today, to speak confidently as I help create better health.
Recognize within my job, that everyday is important, I can… Continue
Added by Kaizen on August 31, 2008 at 9:27am —
Well it's 12 noon and I just got home from my girls night out!!! Needless to say it was a wonderful time. They are an amazing group of women and I am so grateful I have met them. It was a fantastic evening, prepping dinner while getting to know each other and then @ dinner we all went around the table to express a "feeling for the moment". and proceeded to have great conversation all night(and then dancing OF COURSE!). Such a positive, grounded, open group of women. I feel so at ease around… Continue
Added by Kaizen on August 30, 2008 at 3:33pm —