The 100 Day Reality Challenge

S3 - D3 Awareness is the first step?

So I've always wanted to be a writer. I write short stories, though I haven't been super productive since moving to Europe a few years ago. Since then I've been mostly journalling, but writing something or other every day. I'm home on maternity leave and take long walks with my son most days and on these long walks a story idea came to me and has continued to grow in my mind. It's a much bigger project than I have ever attempted and I'm somewhat stuck as to how to develop it. I read loads and have been taking notes as ideas come to me, but I'm not really productive most days and this is what I want to work on. In my earlier seasons and in my life before settling down here, I felt totally awake and connected and was constantly inundated with inspiration. Things to write, places to go, conversations to have and people to meet, everything felt like it was a signpost that I was exactly where I was meant to be.

Now I live in Germany. I have a family and in living with others I find it so easy to get thrown off center and focus on things that I would have never in a million years cared about before. My goals and intentions for this season are to be self-disciplined and productive. But if I'm honest I just want to feel like me again. I want to be patient and kind and light hearted. I want a smile to be my normal face and I want to laugh easily and often. I feel silly writing this but really, I feel like motherhood (or really step-motherhood bc my own baby is pretty fun ;) has made me a horrible reactive person and there's always something wrong and we have to identify who is to blame, yuck, yuck, yuck!

Life is too short and I used to be a really easy going friendly person and today I want to focus on getting back to that. The writing happens, more often when I'm not chasing people down for not cleaning up after themselves...oh my dear lord is this who I've become? I want to be a friend to my step-daughter bc though she's a giant pain in the bum (teenager), she's also a really lovely person and frightfully similar to me. The things I object to in her are...that's right, like looking into a mirror. 

Awareness, awareness, awareness. This blog was going to be about working and somehow ended up summing up my day :| I thank you CCOR for the clarity and the opportunity to remind myself of where I've come from and who I really am. 

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Comment by Monimons on March 30, 2018 at 4:23pm

Ania, thank you for the encouragement. I look forward to being able to write the post reporting that I am back to being 100% connected and in control of my creating and response to other's creating ;) Soon I hope!

Writing for the stage is exciting, getting to see your work in action. Love it! Sending you thanks and positive energy. Let both of us find ourselves surrounded by awake, positive, inspiring people :)

Comment by Ania Harciarek on March 29, 2018 at 5:56pm

Dear Monimons!

Thank you for this post. Even though I'm in a different situation, I feel exactly what you do: that living with other people, especially those who don't share our attitude toward life and it's understanding or just spending long time with them is very challenging!

I can't wait to read more of your posts, when you will write how you started to feel like the real You again. What facilitated that, what was the breakthrough? 

And don't worry about the scale of your writing project. It came to your mind not without a reason, and I know that you will find a way to develope it. Here again, I know what you mean. I have many ideas, but struggle with elaborating on them. For example now I have an idea and want to write theatre play. I know that when I'll do that, actors, money, staging place and everything needed will come. But what's the hardest is the first step.

Thank you also for commenting on my post. It is very, very nice! I also noticed that we are both at the starting point of our challenge, and geographically we are not very far neither ;)

I send you all of my best thoughts!

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