The 100 Day Reality Challenge

I made videos, but I think it's best that I type this one out because I'm mostly crying in the videos that I made for this. Basically, I called my father last night. It was the first time I spoke to him in almost a year. August 22 would have been a year actually (he knew the actual day). It was a 2 hour long conversation and there was a LOT of crying. There was crying, there was yelling and cursing. Before I made the call, I sat in front of the mirror and I said to myself 'we will work this out, we will be a family again, we will work this out, it WILL be ok.' After a bit of the conversation, I was starting to think it may not happen, that he didn't want it to work out that way.

Long story short, we finally decided to move forward and work on our relationship. We will be a family again and we are going to start talking and spending time together again. There is still a lot to work on, but at least i can finally let this anger go. So it's day 3 and I've already been able to achieve one of my intentions/goals. I'm still pretty spent from last night and I'm still finding myself crying a bit just thinking about it. It was just a long conversation and a really big step for both of us. There is stuff that he's wanted to say that he never had before. He was very angry. But there were things that he didn't understand that I didn't think I'd be able to make him understand, but towards the end, I was finally able to, somehow, someway. I'm going to end this now and do my squats. I have to admit, I don't feel very well, but I think the anger is still making it's way out of my body and mind or something. I'll just take it as a detox symptom.

Here's to moving on.....!

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Comment by Magdalena on August 14, 2008 at 2:35pm
Stefani, baby, don't you cry, don't feel bad about yourself. Think how great it is to be you! Nice tatoo by the way... :)
Here is something, a technique that is very helpful: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nebxoNl5iKI
Enjoy!
Comment by TJ on August 8, 2008 at 4:24pm
Stefani,

You're a marvelous Queen who deserves all the best and knows she's capable of achieving the best.
I've been reading this book called "All The Joy You Can Stand" - and there's this very insightful passage about dealing with life's frustrations. In it, the author describes of how a good friend of hers helped her out of a personal ordeal she had been having with her romantic partner and parents. The author found herself always flustered, frustrated, and inadequate to do the things she needed to do. Her friend told her to think about the Universe, from the most colossal, to the very simple. She asked her to think about a river. A river flows with it's current and it can flow serenely. Trees fall into it, rocks roll around - all these things seem to want to stop the river from it's course - but what does the river do? It keeps going, at first blocked by the object, but ultimately succeeding in continuing to flow its path - whether or not the object has disappeared completely.
Stefani, you're healing now - and I'm so proud of you for acknowledging that it's ok to let that anger work it's way out of your body and cry. The river that is your life and energy is undoubtedly flowing for something big (just like rivers ultimately make it to the ocean). I believe in you. Working with parents (esp. fathers if you're a woman) - can be draining, and arduous - but never in vain. At the end of the day you both accomplished something that hadn't been done for a year.
Keep pushing sister Queen!

Much Love,
Karla
Comment by Rozie on August 8, 2008 at 2:01pm
Stefani,

Let the tears flow. Its better to let your body release, then to keep it bottled inside. I too had to make a decision about my relationship with my father. In the end, we no longer speak, but my life is better for it. All you can do is try! And that is exactly what you did!

Blessings,
Rozie
Comment by Stefani on August 8, 2008 at 6:01am
Thank you all for your comments. I have to be honest, I'm not sure where this is going to go or if I'll even go to his condo this weekend. And if I don't, then that would probably be the end of it for him. Unfortunately, we are dealing with a man who is quite controlling, but also, without even realizing it, abusive in some ways....with his words. At least he was that night. But we'll see how it goes. Thank you all so much for your comments. I was reading them all as they came in at work and they really did help me calm down. I kept crying and that certainly wasn't helping anything. Thank you all!!! You're all so wonderful!
Comment by Ela on August 8, 2008 at 3:02am
I think you made the right decision of talking with him... there maybe a lot of cries but I think they're all worth it... Don't worry to much... focus on your intentions... worrying too much will stress you out plus worries give negative vibes...

wounds heal in time... =)

continue to count your blessings! and do things that will make you happy...

more love and happiness!

---eLa
Comment by CherryDarlingLife on August 7, 2008 at 11:22pm
Do a few more squats! When you feel it welling up. Not too many just a few, exercising is a good way to release anger too. I have anger, I'm a bit red headed and have strong Irish DNA on both sides and tempers do tend to flair if too many of us all try to talk at the same time.

My Dad sounds like your Dad. Think on "he remembered" the date. It may seem little but powerful so therefore there is hope. If he remembers the date, he remembers you, often. Focus on manifesting him being able to see with better eyes and hear with better ears.

Smile
Johni
Comment by Lavana on August 7, 2008 at 9:34pm
I commend you for your courage in "taking the plundge" and I would agree that there are symptoms from these types of emotions coming forward. You're body is healing from the trauma of the emotional wounds you carried all these years and you have now taken a step and applied a bandaid so to speak. Even though it currently still hurts it will eventually heal now that you are allowing it to. There is a chain of emotions that comes with healing and as long as you keep reaching for the emotions that feel a bit better than the one before, you will be out of the woods in no time! Congrats on achieving one of your goals!
Comment by weareonespirit on August 7, 2008 at 6:12pm
Things like this are not easy, but are necessary in moving forward in life. You have to "clean house" before you can make way for new and better things in life! My son just went through a similar experience with his father, only his father refused to admit he had any part in the break of their relationship. So, it did not have a happy ending. But at least my son got to unload all the anger and hurt that he had been carrying around for over 15 years!

You can never recover from negative things in your past until you bring them to the forefront, confront them and then let them go. I will keep you in my thoughts.
Comment by Poetry Girl aka mytruestory85 on August 7, 2008 at 5:07pm
Hi, I know it's not always easy especially when we have been hurt to forgive, it's a great step of you to approach him and trying to spend some more time with him and just talk!

Good on you!!
Hope things will get better the next few days weeks !!

Sandra
Comment by Maya Z. on August 7, 2008 at 1:13pm
Good for you for taking on such a painful step. Very brave.

I wish you all the best to create a new positive relationship with your father,.

All the best to you,

Maya

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