The word MOTHER has been glittering through my dreams and day-visions lately. The first time it was fully formed as a word in the sky; the second time it was a tattoo on the small of my back, the Tree of Life with the three moons above it -- all encased in the word MOTHER. And in the third it was made of flowers, so gorgeous, not macabre like the fake cemetery monuments that say "MOTHER".
I had asked: What is my purpose? Knowing I had known it once, though it slipped through my fingers like water or the finest sand.
I saw the word MOTHER, and thought about it's many meanings, for me:
#1: My own mother. The defining event of my life was losing her several years ago to ALS.
#2: I have long been drawn to either become a midwife or, alternatively, to study massage therapy with an emphasis on neonatal and infant massage.
#3: Our Mother Earth. This is a big one for me, and I know my life purpose contains some seed of living with honor and respect for our Mother.
#4: Wanting one day to be a mother myself, to adopt internationally.
All these ideas swelled in me at once, and I realized that they are all pieces of the puzzle that lead me to my purpose. I don't quite know how to put them together. I feel strongly that as I keep listening within, the way will fall in line.
I wrote a poem once, sometime between age 17-19. It was politically inspired, so it doesn't entirely resonate with me now, except that it was one of those poems that just flew out of me. It wrote itself. I do not have the whole poem here, but the final line sums up my life's purpose quite succinctly, I think you'll agree:
This is my gender-mission, my duty from birth;
To return the love of Woman to the center of the Earth.
Tomorrow I start in my priestess training so today I have been doing some reading and reflecting. The path I have chosen is one that is meant to bring my life to its own fullness -- it is about embracing my Self. As I danced in my kitchen after doing the dishes, thinking how drawn I have been to bellydance, not only the feminine dance itself -- I dare you to resist the call of your open hips to move that way when the spirit moves you, it is that natural to a woman's body -- but to the kind of adornment that goes along with the bellydance culture. I realize I am drawn to that, too. I have always sought beauty and wished to create beauty all around me, and now it is time to see myself as my own canvas, my own creation. I didn't see myself as adhering to some tribal "norm", and so I stopped adorning myself. Sure, I still wear my pretty necklaces but I tend to be sloppy more than dressy. I used to leave the house in "outfits" and all fully accessorized. I don't even have the foggiest idea how to begin that again, but I will listen for Goddess whispers, and start small.
I also had a glimpse of using my artistic and writing skills in service of this Purpose -- and I saw my life as an all-encompassing Art in honor of the Goddess. It moved me to write here, just so that I would not lose the thread. I saw dancing, I saw myself adorned and expressing myself fully, I saw art and words tumbling into a golden cup.
It is enormous that I wrote like this here -- for so long this path seemed esoteric, even dangerous, and to discuss it with others was taboo. But this is the path I am taking, and maybe it will shine a light on someone else's.
Today, my intentions were:
I intend to concentrate today MORE on being present and feeling GOOD, regardless of what I am doing.
I did this! I was much more present, having learned a lesson yesterday, and when returned to present, reached for a happier thought and felt good ALL DAY, sole exception is the reverie I fell into folding my laundry.
I intend to read the first Lesson in Sacred Magic.
I did! I read the entire chapter, even though I only planned to do 1/3rd, and I also did my readings for Inanna this week.
I intend to the do the Avalonian Practicum.
I decided it was best to do this purification ritual during tomorrow's New Moon, but all is in place for it.
I intend to dance!
And I did! Two or three separate times! My feet couldn't resist, and neither could my hips.
I intend to shine my sink, finish the work in the bedroom
And I did! Yahoo!
I intend to start cleaning the living room.
I started -- it was a very small start but I also managed to take out the trash and bring Goodwill items to my car and cleared a corner of the living room, so it was all very productive.
I intend to do my laundry, and read Journey Into Oneness at the laundromat.
And I did! The reading I did today was amazing and filled me with Love.
That's it! Not sure if I will blog my intentions every day as they seem rather personal, but I will be checking in with them one way or another (perhaps a paper journal here). Blessings to you if you have read this far!