I feel like crap.
Emotionally, not physically.
I am still in GA, and really struggling at the moment with the idea that I have no set schedule to go back to PA- I did have a phone interview yesterday for a job and should hear about a 2nd interview in the next week or two...which, if they'd like to do that, I'll be headed home. The job seems perfect and I think I would love it, be successful in it, feel fulfilled in it. I think the interview went well- but I thought an interview a month ago went well too, and never heard back (not even a "thanks, for your 1/2 a day long interview, but we've found someone else"...how annoying is that?!) I am in some ways, ready to go home. At the same time, if I do not get to stay and meet my nephew, I might be devistated.
I went to Clemson this past weekend and got to see my friends, and go to yoga and visit the place that I called home until recently...after the football game when I was hot, and sticky, and tired, and slightly annoyed that we lost, we drove past what used to be my apartment and I almost started to cry. I just wanted to go into my space, lay on my bed with my kitties, and rest. My cats, obviously are at home, and since I'm living with my parents I don't even really feel like I have my own space in their house, either.
I haven't been nourishing my body appropriately or doing much exercise since I've been here, either. Much of that is that I'm with a woman who is 8 months pregnant. I also don't have a car or a way to buy the kinds of foods that I eat- so I've over-indulged and under-exercised. I feel sluggish as a result. Did go to my old yoga class in Clemson yesterday before leaving, and have a nice stretched out ache this morning. That's refreshing. I would love to find a good yoga dvd but I am SERIOUS beginner and struggle with following anything that isn't actually in front of me and can give feedback and clarification. That 7 week free yoga and meditation series I found at home started 2 weeks ago but- well, I'm not at home, and a 700 mile commute doesn't really work for a weekend yoga session.
Lastly- and here's the kicker...The boy I'd been seeing at home- I thought that was going fantastic. 2 weeks ago, he took me to dinner my last night at home and we had a great time, kissed me goodbye...Told me to let him know when I got to Georgia safely...which I did. We've hardly communicated since I've been here- a few random text messages back and forth: all of which I have initiated. A number have gone unanswered...Including one a few nights back that said "I miss you"... that stings. I tried calling last night because I hadn't spoken to him in almost 2 weeks, but there was no answer. My friends and I have governed ourselves on the principle of the book "he's just not that into you" for years, and I can't shake that thought- even though it's not what I want at all! ugh. I have no explanation for this and I'm afraid that if I get one, it's going to hurt...I feel like every time I get to a point that I am willing to put myself out there again, I end up hurting.
I feel like I'm spiraling, and I don't know why, and I don't know how, and I don't know where to start to turn it around. It's frustrating me, and annoying me.