The 100 Day Reality Challenge

Day 11 - feeling down and doubtful..

I guess these emotional rollercoaster rides are to be expected though my excitement was so real I thought I found the answer to everything when I started this challenge...I've seen amazing improvements on myself already though the one thing I was hoping to manifest appears to be moving further and further away from my reach...one of my greatest wishes was to attract love into my life by bringing my husband closer to me and develop a loving relationship...though I realise these things don't happen overnight I feel we're moving further and further apart...I try not to let it bother me by focussing on positive things but then I get days when the thought really hits me and brings my entire world to pieces...

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Comment by Masha on July 3, 2008 at 6:28am
Hi Vitalia,

I've read your blog and I can feel your worries and discomfort. I know it's not a good feeling going through this but you are going through a challenge and you are changing to the better which is great! you can practice what you've learned and are learning here. can try to feel the sadness and pain for about 20 min and really feel it,allow yourself to feel it and accept it. after these 20 min try and shift the focus on what makes you feel good, can be a baby, flowers, travelling, clothes, funny movies, calling a friend, exercise..whatever makes you feel good.
And always be true and honest with yourself, always. how you feel about this relationship, do you want to stay with this person...I know you dont want to hear these things but I've been through a relationship that wasn't working and looking back I can see how I wasn't true to myself. I was hoping he'll change and things will change. but deep inside I always knew the truth.
and thank god the universe had a different plan for me, at the end I listened to myself and my feelings and everything changed to the better.
It always does if we allow it!
I am here for you whenever you need someone.
love, Masha
Comment by Vitalia on June 29, 2008 at 8:30am
Hi Tabitha,
Thank you for 'inundating' me with good stuff!!! we've had councilling for over a year and things have got better but we stopped a year ago and we kind of stayed at the same level (we stopped as we were unable to progress any further and we couldn't really afford to go any further). We've tried the list and we tried many little exercises, they really work but as I begin to feel things are changing for the better and get all excited he gets bored of them and gradually falls back to his original status. I ask him if he cares to work things out. I begged him in tears to tell me whether or not he wants a relationship with me. He says he does and that he's not seeing anyone else...I sometimes think he's just waiting for the right moment to tell me. This right moment might be when he is financially fitter and his visa has come through..
Comment by Vitalia on June 26, 2008 at 5:47am
Thank you so much for all your heart warming comments ladies..
you've all brought up very interesting points that I'll explore further.
Christine, I've been trying to be a better person - and I must say, it's a fascinating journey..the world around me changed almost instantly. I will definitely check Byron Katie's work - thank you for suggesting it to me.

Ialsohaveadream - thank you for your comment. I've been trying very hard to focus on positive thoughts and disregard negativity as soon as sad thought comes to my head, but I've been experiencing outbreaks of anger and frustration periodically. I fear that my approach to positivity is wrong - somehow by trying to focus on the good stuff I feel that the sadness that I'm trying to drown, every now and then feels the need to remind me that it's still there, almost like a child that hasn't been given attention for a while starts crying or throwing things around..I have so much to learn and though I have a long way to go I'm prepared to give it all I've got ...have nothing to lose that I wouldn't lose anyway, right? thanks again for your sweet comment. And yes, I'm not English. I'm Italian. I've been living in London for 15 very happy years and it's become my home at heart! :o)

Hi Tabitha - Thank you so much for your input...I love the thought of just letting go and trusting that the universe knows better...some days ago, I was sitting in my meditation spot, had sun light on me and my husband was studying at his desk just feet away from me. I felt the joy of a perfect moment - all I needed, I had. The thought of him leaving my life brings tears to my eyes but you're absolutely right when you say we need to lose our attachment to the outcome and trust the universe is looking after us. . .it's just so hard to let go of this strangling fear ...definitely something I'll work on. Thank you Tabitha - Thanks again so much to all of you for posting so generously such constructive and up-lifting advice...
Love to you all.
x
Comment by Ialsohaveadream on June 25, 2008 at 2:15pm
BTW, are you Brittish? May I say that you look a bit Brazilian =)
Comment by Ialsohaveadream on June 25, 2008 at 2:14pm
What you are experiencing is a part of the development. You are getting more in touch with your feelings and when there is doubt it is a great opportunity to stop and breath, don't let yourself go to the old patterns. If its feeling worse, let it go. Don't try to make things better, try to feel good about the subject! Reach thoughts that sooth you, not that worries you. Things will get better whenever you start feeling better. And when you start thinking thoughts that don't make you feel even better, that's no thoughts for you. Listen to your inner voice and let your feeling guide you on what is righyt and what is not- for you!

I hope this helps you, and if there is anything you want to chat about when you're not feeling so good, - I am here if you need or want!

Love & Peace,

Nataly

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