I know I made 2 post already... But things just keep coming! And the best way to understand them (for me) is to put them here. So forgive me if you can and bear with me! lol
Almost half my journey and I can see things happening. Today I was able to have fun and do Zumba for 1 hour respecting my limits and having lots of fun.
I am noticing CHANGE. It seems like the things I'm doing are working. And I'm amazed. I think most of the time I was following, complying, being passive. In my doing of that becuase those were my parameters. That's what I thought I was supposed to do. Now I think differently.
I left college not because I gave up on my future, but because I didn't fully believe in the institution I was in.
I'm seeing the 'weirdest' things happening. Everyday I turned on the television. Now I just hate it. My mom watches much more television than I do. I instead put on the music channels because they make me feel more focused. I'm not much on facebook either. I call my cellphone and facebook 'distracting machines'. I want to learn how to use them to my good insead of just passively observing/receiving information of it. I think I want to regulate that too.
I see how my family is draining my energy in the interactions we had. I was do up for family. I think it's an important factor, but I feel really protective of myself while I'm around them. My sister is a red flag and mother is all about pointing out the things I did or didn't do. The impression I have is that it's constantly. I still support her (aka help her in what I can) because I wish her well, but I want to lessen the exposure to her. I feel it's toxic and negative.
I'm feeling like... I want to SHINE. I'm the kind of person who becomes SO shy when receives a compliment, but inside I'm delightfully saying "more!more!please more!" lol. I want to be loved and cherished, not bullied or reprimanded. I want to build a life. To leave a legacy. I want to be well-paid. I want to be an enterpreneur. I want to live a good life, because I like the good stuff! I like wearing good clothes, going to nice places (fancy is nice, but not a priority), it's like places I like! I like to have fun! I like singing! I like interacting with people (even though there are issues).
When you're focused in what you're observing instead of what you're creating...what happens? (think about it)
It's like I'm learning the way I function so I can put my habits in order in the XXI century of multitasking, but coming from the heart! It feels terrible/awesome and I'm actually enjoying it, specially because I feel despite some things I'm getting better!
I'm assuming myself despite other people, and like the image: "Different is beautiful". I want to let go of other people's judgement and do my thing. I want to SHINE :D
That's it for today! See you later ;)