Burnout would be defined as a state of exhaustion from too much stress from a particular situation. I’m not exactly stressed or frustrated. I’m starting to feel new feelings (the not-so-hot kind), that I can’t exactly name.
All this week I’ve been strict with myself getting up before sunrise, doing my meds and my yoga, and more recently, chanting, yes! The Lotus Sutra chant of the Nichiren Buddhist sect -> 南妙法蓮華経・nan myoho renge kyo <- which I only recently heard of but immediately felt drawn to.
I’ve also been watching or listening to inspiration talk to me- like a whole lot of Abraham-Hicks, “The Essence of the Baghavad Gita”, a series of vids on youtube... - there’s some contradictory messages in there that did my head in I suppose. The Gita would say that since everything is Maya, illusion, so are material things. I very much agree with this, and I find I want less and less, other than basic stuff like food. Abraham-Hicks on the other hand, are most times promoting a materialistic view of the world which doesn’t fit with these teachings, but I take from each what I need. Looking at my vision board as it is, there is basically no money in there, only some things I can do with money like travel- yet money is not an end in itself; the rest are intentions like be an uplifter, bring joy to others, things like that.
So today, after a while of all those mixed messages to my brain (I’m sorry brain, I’m confusing you again), I found myself afternooninishly indescribable - this sensation of my throat wanting to throw up something. It felt like I was sick but just in the throat. I figured my throat chakra got blocked, so I tried to do some breathing exercises but I just couldn’t get past one minute. I recovered in the end, but I’m wondering if the Nam myoho chant is having a detox effect on my throat haha. Like some traumas coming out because of it.
So here I am today with no desire to be kind, or good, or draw, or paint, or work on my vision board (which has to be just perfect so it’s never done), nor do I now feel like meditating or chanting before going to sleep. I’ve been neglecting being around other people... and I don’t know if that’s a bad thing! I feel like the people I want to talk to or be with I haven’t met yet. However...
It’s really easy to fall into old habits. I’m not going to beat myself up about it. I can’t be a stream of serenity all the time, nor would it be natural. Which got me a’ thinking- what a weird definition we have for natural. If you smile on the street, chances are you’re going to get punched or hit on (in a big city). If you don’t respond in an argument with people close to you, they’ll think you’ve gone insane.
As Mynheer Peeperkorn would say, "Fine. How very fine. That settles it. And yet you must keep in mind and never -- not for a moment -- lose sight of the fact that -- but enough on that topic.” :D