The 100 Day Reality Challenge

 

 

Once, when I was doing a 12 steps Prosperity Program of Unity Church I had to write a whole script of my lousy relation with money up until that day.

Some of you might already know my story… Never mind it anyways… Our problems don’t come from the situations we are in… Our problems are the way we face them. I learned that from this experience I am about to tell.

I wrote my whole economical life in a notebook. Usually it is a long letter… as I like to write… HA! It took a notebook to go through the whole thing. Pages and pages of tragedy. From the single mother with all sorts of difficulties, the rebellious daughter that ended up alone, the wife that married a man to end up carrying him on my back, to the professional that had to work very long hours to win that or this… The notebook was filled up with every single little story I had in order to move a solid rock to tears…

In order to fulfill this step, I had to pick someone to ready this witness.

I picked Carol, the facilitator our our Course.


And one afternoon after writing this booklet for a whole week I went to her house. And after she served coffee and we both got comfortable… I started reading…


As I say… the story was filled with one hard situation after another…

As I was reading, every now and then I would stop to see her face… Not a muscle moving. She was ice. Kept reading, added some tones to the reading and looked back at her… Nothing!  I kept on reading… and every now and then I would rise my eyes to see her… She was serious, with a petrified and unexpressive face. 

Kept on reading… My writing turned more and more tragic as I was coming to the end… Nothing! This woman was just sitting there… not feeling anything! I was about to burst in tears just by seeing my relation with money and all the struggle I went through… and nothing in this woman seemed to be feeling not even a little sympathy for me, my family, my situation!


I was starting to feel uncomfortable, but kept on reading. Trying to get an effect in my voice… even breaking every word or two… Nothing! She was ice.

The text came to an end… after pages and pages of misery and sadness, and loneliness, and tiredness…


She finally moved and suspired.

And then said, in a very serious but soft voice:

Oh Olga! You would be so much happier if you get rid of your drama queen and your self-pity!


I was so surprised, so shocked!

She was sooooooooo right!


Now, when I see that moment I can’t help laughing as loud as possible!

You see… The tragedy with the drama queen is that she needs entertainment… Not to get bored… and a terrible sad story I better than no story at all.  And tragedy sells! We are so used to it!

Nothing like a romantic comedy… They meet, they fal in love… everything is beautiful!... But what would it be of the movie without the fight, the pain, the tears? Would tere be a movie without that part? NO! That is the highest point of the comedies…. The tragedy!

And our news, and newspapers… Would they sell if they only had good news? NO! They wouldn’t!

Our egos, the selves that we tink we are feed themselves with tragedy. And so we look for it and make it our daily bread… to feel alive!

And how!? How could the story blow your mind if it didn’t have a hero? A suffering bleeding hero in it? How could we believe in a hero that laughs at everything and that lives happy every single moment? NO WAY! We need the suffering ingredient for hi/her to be a real hero.

So, we adapt this to our lives.. and look for trouble and tragedy and self pity in order to feel alive!

My drama queen and my self pity are still here, in me, as healthy as usual… I forget they exist and then they play tricks with me.. like little evil ghosts hiding in the shades of my conscious and subconscious minds… and I get blue, and feel victimized, and feel the fear and the despair…

 

Up until, I remember.. and Carol comes to me and suspiring, turns on the light:

Oh Olga! You would be so much happier if you get rid of your drama queen and your self-pity!

And the drama queen and self pity disappear before my eyes… the minute I get conscious of their existence!

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