I went to my Tut page to see what I had put on there for my collage. Interestingly nothing was about business or money. Almost the entire thing is family and beaches. The only thing thats about money is a photo that says prosperity and some bills with "whats next" written on them.
My first feeling was to change up my photos. However, if I go back into my art journals they are repeats, over and over again. Beaches and family. Beaches and family.
I wonder what would happen if I focused solely on the joy of these images and just let the rest be. Just continue on my new habits and use these images as my visualizations.
The one thing I can't seem to get into alignment though is my business. I took a little break from it since the end of March. So suddenly I'm back in, new clients and yesterday a new listing.
Up until now I've been sleeping like a baby. Almost a month of sleeping straight through the night. Yesterday I took this listing and last night I started again into my journey of not sleeping. I woke up at 12 and couldn't fall asleep until 4 then back up at 7. This does not feel good.
So I woke up at midnight, picked up a book I have called "The Art of Being". Asked "What do I most need to know about this situation with work?" Randomly opened the book.
The top paragraph was a quote from Dr Phil (appropriate!) titled:
"Are you living a life of self betrayal?"
If your life includes things you profess to hate, yet you continue to do them anyway, that, too, indicates self-betrayal. For example, are you always complaining about being over weight, yet you continue to be? Do you fail to exercise, go back to school, change jobs, confront your dead marriage, get a date, get a hobby, or deal with the pain of abuse or neglect that has scarred you since childhood? If so, you can't possibly be living in concert with who you were designed to be.
~~~Dr. Phil McGraw
I knew this. I especially have known it in about the last 6 months. And yet, honestly, I truly DON'T know how to walk away. I realized lately that I was telling a certain story about this business and maybe it was just the reality that I was creating. If I changed my story then the reality of this job would change. So over the last month of quiet I worked on my story. The only problem that I'm seeing with that is the new improved version of the story is not the truth.
Practicality says you dont' just walk away from money without having something else lined up. Yet I can see that this is probably what must occur. Ironically my husband keeps saying "just give it to me after you get the listing. Just hand it over". I feel a certain loyalty to these people though! When I walk in there and take that listing for a half a million dollars I am promising to do a job for them. How can I get them under contract and then walk away? That feels wrong to me.
And the other half of this story is that I completed two of my coaching calls and received the feedback yesterday. It was amazing feedback. Coaching flows like liquid for me. It comes so easy and natural. But as of right now there is no money in it. I need mega mega marketing. Or attraction. Maybe I just need attraction lol...
I seem to be lined up perfectly with the knowledge of what life experiences will bring me the most bliss.
The issue, as I see it, is in the transitioning.
I think I'll get the clients started now on the transition to working with my husband. Then as they contact him and become more comfortable with him, I'll slide out. In the mean time I'll just keep building my other business....
And Abe says lifes supposed to be easy? Actually I think thats fun...lifes supposed to be fun.
I'll have to somehow find the fun in this!
For now though I believe I'll just focus on what feels good and stay there energetically...
Beaches and family....beaches and family....