The 100 Day Reality Challenge

Another CCOR victory. Mixed blessings.

One of my goals for this year was to go to Japan during what I think is the loveliest time of year, April, when the cherry blossoms are out and put any manmade ornament to shame. Obviously, it was not meant to be.

On the flip side I am soon going to dot the i's and cross the t's in a contract. For a job. A 6-month job that was made for me. I feel it came to me at the right time. I sent the company my CV and things moved extremely fast from there- they liked my "energy" (their words not mine!) right away, and offered me the job the day after we had the interview. I will be in Rhodos, Greece a month from now, training to be a photographer and then actually be one. If I check out my vision board, I think I have an image similar to it.

After that happened, I began to feel an enthusiasm I thought was related to it- big news for me, as it's my first job that I actually like. I went out more than I'd done in the past months, and felt more connected to everything and everyone I met. A short-lived excitement, as soon afterwards the Japan EQ happened, and since then I feel unsettled. Again, I'm enthusiastic in the sense that I'm glad to be alive, but I can't help feeling serious changes are about to happen. I'm also feeling a push to do things... but I don't know where or how yet. The push feels almost physical, and certainly forceful.

This change of perspective is making my inner balance run amok. I have mood swings like never before. When I step outside, I look at rocks, pebbles, and trees, I listen to birds, and let wonder rush over me. I look at people who are blinded by money, fumes from cars making me choke, people acting like brutes towards each other- and I think, we deserve to be forced into some sort of change that we cannot perform for ourselves- not anymore.

I am not mad at these people for being happy or going shopping while elsewhere others are being tested for radiation, I'm sorry for them for being clueless. It's a question of being ignorant. If you are conscious of what's going on and you manage to keep your inner peace while dealing with petty daily activities, then that's something I can appreciate.

I'll admit that I've read about doomsday scenarios recently (with as much critical thinking as is possible), and some of you will know, when you start, ya can't stop. It's only when I meditate that I can keep my fear in check, and realise that I am love.

Anyway, I will leave for Rhodos and see what my gut tells me to do from there.

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