I am finishing a boundaries course that took place over the last few weeks and it had a lot of fantastic topics and had one on an area of conscious parenting that really hit home for me.
Some things that sparked an awakening for me:
1. Growing up I didn't have any real space to call my own and there were no boundaries set in place for my protection. My room was accessed all the time by my mother and grandmother as well as whatever relative decided to show up and pop in so I had no real privacy or "sacred space" of my own as a teen. And I had no clothing boundaries growing up with my divorced mother so I wore whatever I wanted to. Mostly it was beach attire in the summer time and shorts that I wouldn't allow my own daughter to wear now that she is growing up into a beautiful young lady.
2. There were no real boundaries in my relationship and we kind of "winged it" more than half the time.
For instance... when my ex would tickle me (which is supposed to be fun but really isn't for most people) he would poke and gouge me under my arms and wouldn't respect my "Okay stop it" or my "that's enough now" when I would ask him too. And I didn't know how to set strong boundaries with him because of not knowing what they were.
3. Growing up my parents didn't have boundaries as to what was okay and what wasn't allowed as far as fighting goes. They often argued in another part of the house so I couldn't hear them or would send me outside to play. My father was very laid back and never got very angry or upset at mom but she was like a pistol always waiting to go off on him. Or on me if she had nobody else to yell at.
4. Boundaries weren't clear between me and my co-workers or personal friends growing up so I was often giving people free rides, babysitting for free while they were out drinking and partying, or doing things for them that weren't really beneficial to me or what I was trying to work on in my own life. I had school, work, and other deadlines that I had to meet as well. They would steal, keep me out late, run up tabs on my gas cards, steal my boyfriends, get me in trouble, and once even got me arrested because the guy that was stalking me had another of his friends lie and say he was with him even though I had four witnesses of him driving recklessly behind me in his car all the way to the police station where I reported him. I only wish they would have had cell phone cameras back then.
5. I swore when I had a child that I would make an active effort to raise my child differently than I had watched all of my friends doing with their kids and I would try to make a positive difference in her life.
The place where I used to live has so many of my old school friends still passing alcoholism and partying down to their kids. I wish there was a cure for this terrible problem. It is a cycle that they can't seem to let go of. I am glad that I stopped drinking and having that kind of "fun" before I had my daughter. I don't feel like I am missing out on anything being clean and sober. And my daughter is living her life clean, sober, and modest. I love the idea of her growing up consciously, making wise decisions regarding her life, and having fun without others bringing her down or trying to steal her thunder by putting her down and keeping her down..
The two books I got are Dealing with the crazy makers in your life and The life organizer.
A couple of things I have noticed so far in the Life organizer book; which is the first book I am reading right now is that I am committing a lot of fast food sin. The book calls them Shadow comforts and I am also giving in to the time monsters.
I have tried to limit my fast food to only every now and then but school is out now so my daughter wants to go out to eat more and go out for ice cream. I am not blaming her for my binge style of eating because I take full responsibility for my eating when we go out. And when she wants a bag of chips I buy myself one as well so I am not bumming chips off of her or sharing her bag on the way home. It has been so hard for me to lose weight since my thyroid got hyperactive. It makes me sleepy all of the time. Even with proper rest. And it makes me have no extra energy for exercising. Right now I am using herbal remedies to help it.
I also take full responsibility for popping in a sappy or romantic video to zone out instead of writing or working on either of my books or blogs. Day planners have been helping a lot but I am still falling prey to the Shadow comforts of funyuns chips and the time monsters of movies and cyber technology. Like facebook.