The 100 Day Reality Challenge

I chose to be alive again today. 4th time this year. It has been an invigorating internal adventure lately in my life. I self realize how much I don't or have not loved myself into how much I actually do will to and to use my pain as my motivation to become a better me. It really is the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life. It is like no moment of molestation, moving from state to state, all the way to recognition that God exists within and without and all that ever will and does exist ever---->has lived up to moments were I receive one hug and break down because I feel like I have never really been hugged my whole life no matter how much physical interaction I had. It is as if my heart is finally opening and must cry, bitch and moan all those screaming blood wrenching moments out of my body, mind and spirit before I can ever have a real anything that lives up to my truest of standards of love. We are all such sad, deprived of love, children that are grateful for everything and know how to receive and give but are barely becoming conscious of our on inherent abilities to do so and much more. Even though in our truest of souls we can recognize somewhere, buried beneath all the innocently told lies and illusions we were taught, we are the divine qualities we crave externally and internally. We are the Love we look for whether we think something is good or bad, whether we think it is right or wrong, whether we think something is going to do something for us or not---> we are always right were we need to be...in the love that already is. Hiding in plane site as a chair, a hug, a word from my own path, a walk, my limbs... everything meant to be tuned in to divine love as god and all of will. We will to be nurtured into a better state of being that our parents, atmosphere or long awaited souls in this life or the past ones did not understand or know how to give but they did always give us something as a puzzle piece as we are giving our self now in hopes to see the full picture. Of course I speak purely for me but I see this in all humans. Our frequency is always inherently all frequencies at once. No matter if we are in this dimension or another... this life or another... this body or another... we always have the capability of putting our focus on that which serves our ever waking moment to embrace who we are whether we are lying to ourselves or not or being their fully present or not. I love me and I love this paradoxical consciousness of a world and life along with everything in it. It is like I am a bird that is barely learning to fly, an infant that has been aware barely learning to walk or speak, a caterpillar barely deciding to turn into a butterfly. Everything I have learned up to this point about spiritual stuff, life itself, consciousness, living as a human, communication and then some was all about the hug that makes me feel love and the shower I give myself to feel cleaner and the food I give myself to feel cared for and the sleep I give me to become more rested. All of it is self love and the need for more of it. <3

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