Day 13 - Love Reality and the time of transition... mega confusion after watching this documentary
Two days ago, i received a link to a documentary. It was 77 minutes long and it turned me upside down and inside out. It made me question everything i believe and question everything i am doing to open my heart raise my vibration of love and make a better life for myself.
I felt myself spiralling into a space of self doubt. doing this challenge helped me have some direction, some game plan so to speak and now suddenly i felt silly for doing my practises, felt i was taking the easy way out and not doing the hard work. I felt i was kidding myself that these practises would bring both a deep change in myself and as i intend, to be part of a changing of my world.
I could not do my practises yesterday, i lost my confidence that this was the path.
Today i decided that while im still very confused, i know that doing my practises makes a difference in my day, makes a difference to how i feel. i feel i am taking action, taking responsibility for my hapiness and so i will continue on my way, will continue to beleive that this challenge can make a real difference to my life.
i would really apreciate some discussion on this documentary, some feedback on what you all think.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UrAgb1-UKQ8
blessings and light to you all. N
Comment
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Comment by Jill on January 24, 2012 at 2:44am
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Seems I am a little late to pipe in here on this lil chat you all have going here. I would usually be right on top of a conversation like this one. I have been spending much time moderating a group that started their 100 days on November 11, 2011.
I have been missing much on the site due to my commitment there. I found this thread through the discussion forum then over to Nayana's page that lead me here to this blog.
I started to watch the video in question...was 20 minutes into it and the light lead me to hit the back button.
Nayana, you are a kindred spirit and I believe that the Universe has placed you in my path. For what reason I don't know as yet. I discovered the dark/shadows many many moons ago...I have also learned the path to love is through the light. The light that brings truth to the darkness within and without. I have questioned my purpose and have experienced my essence. Soon my friend it will not be work for you to evolve as you described in your reply on page two of this blog. The higher understanding will flow like a river in you. You are already writing it. It has been my pleasure to know you. Even for this short moment.
In the light, Jilly
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Comment by Nayana on January 20, 2012 at 10:17am
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Nicola thank you for the love and support you offered. Im enjyoing reading your journey, you are incredibly inspiring. wanted to tell you about the vipassana. if you find a SN Goenka centre, the courses are free, actually you can only donate money after you have done a vipassana. Minimum is 10 days course, you can then donate what you can afford, and can also offer to serve during courses in the future. its a full global community with centres all over the world tha that you can attend courses and also serve. my husbands brother is on the trust committe of vipassana israel, israel its one of the busiest centres in the world, its very popular here. once you have done a number of 10 day retreats you can move onto 15 days, then 30 days and 45 days.. they are incredibly intense, and transforming as you can imagine. here is a link to the main gloabl site. http://www.dhamma.org/
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Sure Nadia i agree totally, we are all on a different part of our paths, thats why being compassionate and non judgemental is so important when supporting one another.
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Alex i cherish and feel very grateful for our friendship. Life gave me a precious gift when our paths crossed. Im so glad you chose to join this community, your presence and the light you shine makes the world a better place. You are amazing. xx
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Comment by LADY LOVELY NADIA on January 18, 2012 at 8:13pm
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I think we all are in different part of our paths , and trying to do our best
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Comment by Alexandra pearce on January 18, 2012 at 5:23am
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My lovely friend, we have spent so little time together really, but from day one we had a great connection and friendship. I am so happy that you introduced me to this site, not only for my own sake, but also to deepen our friendship. You are so honest and true and by reading your beautiful, inspiring posts it makes me feel like our friendship is deepening even though we are oceans apart. I am learning so much just by reading your posts, so thanks for sharing. Xxx
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Harsha thank you for the feedback, i felt vulnerable, and it took some courage to share the 'not so positive side' of my self with the community here. you brought some important reminders up for me. i appreciate it very much. thank you
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Alex dear special soul. thanks for your thoughts, you are right it is important to question things, I got alot of good from the clip, its was very interesting, and taking the questions and self doubt into my meditations helped me to bring light to them. all good in the grand scheme of things.
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Lady Lovely Nadia, I watched the whole clip because it was very deep and interesting, because it looked at what is love really, what is spirituality really, and what work we each need to do to evolve.
For me, part of my authentic process of evolving is to keep going deeper into the meaning of things that i see as my truth. This was a an incredibly interesting perspective and I do not regret watching it.
The fact that it turned me upside down and inside out, does not make it bad or negative. some of my greatest break throughs and elevations to higher understanding and states of being have come from being turned inside out and upside down, of being confused and needing to sit with my confusion, to sit in my discomfort, to understand where it is coming from, to shed light on the dark.
Your comment is exactly what part of the movie is about actually, that in the mass spiritual movement of our age, it is being perceived that looking into darkness is somehow negative.. that we are always wanting to stay in the light and fluffy, and not actually look into the dark side of things, of our personalities, of human behaviour and understand it more deeply.
''A lightworker in the true sense of the word is someone who brings light into the darkness', making the darkness conscious,raising awareness and shining light into it''
Going deeper, being honest with oneself, understanding the falsehoods in oneself, the lies we tell ourselves in order to side step the very real work needed to know ourselves deeply.
If one only wants to look at the positive, it can be challenging for any real growth to happen, for growth occurs in the work, the very courageous work of a deep objective examination of our beliefs, of our reality and seeing it for what it really is.
I do not regret being confused or turned up side down, i know that this expereince will help me to a deeper understanding of my truth of who i am really, what/who is my authentic self.
Vipassana is a wonderful example. do you think viassana meditation is worth your focus and attention, that it will make you feel better? Ask any vipassana meditator, the process of sitting with oneself in silience for 10 or more days, is an incredibly uncomfortable experience, it introduces you to your personality, the falseness of your personality, it sheds light onto the shallowness of yourself, and through looking at this dark side of yourself, you are also able to see your essence, your true self, your witnesser, the pureness of who you really are... and your life is transformed in the process. You walk away from the experince, transformed, but the road to this knowing was at times immensely dark.
The end result may be what as you say ''you find inspiring , what will make you feel better'' but unless you are prepared to accept looking at the unpleasant you wont get there, you wont have the experience of transformation from the meditation.
that is what this movie is all about. the essential need to shed light on our darkness and not take the easy road of denial. Staying in the superficial reality that all is light and fluffy all the time can not bring tranformational leaps into higher states of being and understanding.
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My friend, unfortunately the Internet here in SA is so slow that I can't load things on utube. I am unable to comment on the documentary, but all I can say is don't let yourself spiral into self doubt. Anything that you do that enhances your life in a positive way is not silly. you are an inspiring , beautiful, intelligent person filled with love. Even though it is nice to draw your attention to things that inspire you, it is also good to question things. I'm sure you took something positive way from that 77 mintues. Big hugs to you babe xxx
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