The 100 Day Reality Challenge

Day 14.............Finding Happiness and My Birthday.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I am pretty indifferent towards the day. I feel like these past couple days I have been in a sort of back tracking mode. I have been more distant. I keep thinking negatively about things in my personal life. I have not been that positive and actively keeping my mind in a good place. I want to get back to feeling, receiving, and giving love, success, and happiness.

Dana and I haven't hung out since Thanksgiving and it makes me constantly second guess us when he isn't more available. I get distant and I always think the worst. I know that he loves me but, I regress to the negative and make up reasons he doesn't want to spend time with me. I want him to want me around. I want Dana to want to spend lots of time with me. I feel distant when he isn't around me constantly. I know it's a neediness that I am insecure with myself and that Dana can't love me properly. I want Dana to need me. I want to feel confident in my relationship and our love. I know that I am capable of being in a fully functional relationship with Dana without the games. I just don't know when I will stop playing the push and pull. I want Dana. I love Dana. I constantly think of him and how happy I am with him in my life. I just can't stop the games and just be with him. I have a deep need and want to be constantly loved by him. I want to be encompassed by his love and have it prevent me from questioning and wondering why he doesn't want to be around me. I want Dana to need me. II want to receive his complete love. I want Dana to show me constant affection. I know that this is not the answer but for now I just want to be held and loved by him.

So these past couple days I have been distant from myself and disconnected from my goals and journey so that is what I have been receiving back. I really see how much the receiving works in my favor when I have my view focused and my days are filled with positivity. And when I regress to being distant and negative thoughts that is what I receive. I will take my life in my hands and choose to keep myself happy, focused, loved, and successful in my journey and life. I am here to continue my success and make my life the life I know it can be. Tomorrow instead of being negative I am going to be positive and know that I am going to have a great day and awesomely wonderful birthday. I am going to make my birthday the way I want it to be. I will continually remind myself that I will get the birthday I want for myself. So today I am going to end with positive thoughts. I will continue to be the best person I know I can be. I will meditate all of the goodness while going to sleep tonight. I will wake up to a great day and an amazing birthday in my wake. I will bring my own happiness.

I am loved
I am happy
I am successful
I am needed
I am talented
I am wanted
Dana loves me
Dana wants me
Dana needs me
Dana wants to be with me
Dana wants to spend time with me
Dana shows me his love
Dana gives me constant love
Dana gives me constant affection
Dana wants me constantly around him
Dana needs me with him
Dana loves me completely

I am happy with myself
I am receiving happiness
I am receiving love
I am receiving Dana's love and affection
I am wanted by Dana
I am receiving a great Birthday
I am successful with new work this week
I am receiving 3 new design jobs this week
I am receiving constant new work
I am gaining my wealth
I am receiving my wants
I am making my life the way I want it
I am giving love
I am giving help
I am giving thanks
I am giving myself love
I am giving myself to others
I am loving Dana
I am being the best person I can be
I am a good person
I am loved
I am loving
I am here.


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Comment by Maggie May on December 1, 2009 at 10:03pm
I hope you had a great birthday! I know what you mean about wanting them to want you. I think maybe we are just more "needy" than they are. It's almost nicer that way, if you think about it. Maybe he just plain wants you there, no need. He might be fine without you, and it almost makes it more of a compliment for him to want you around. Also, it allows you to keep your life going and have strong relationships other than him. Can you tell that this is a major issue for me too? Don't play games. Just do what he does. Everything seems to require a little bit of a game, but don't freak out if you have to spend time apart. Just use it to make yourself better for when you're together. I wish I had this totally figured out, but this is what I try to think when I start freaking.
Comment by Nicole Bedard on November 30, 2009 at 1:12pm
happy birthay in advance!
Comment by Jill on November 30, 2009 at 12:55am
Hi , I love your list. May I make a suggestion? READ what you said before the list and write the story again, this time in a positive light. Then read it out loud to yourself. It will be wonderful, I just know it.~♥~ Jilly

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