The 100 Day Reality Challenge


am not sure why I have been so very hesitant to get on ccor. Why have I been avoiding it. It had something to do with judgment or holding that mirror up about being  responsible for your own life or something I am not sure, because I know I am responsible for my own life, but things have been soooooo crazy I just wonder almost where is the message here, what am I supposed to be learning ? am I learning it? Am I advancing? Am I on a spinning wheel? Am I so smart and doing great in being my highest self or am I sinking deeper and deeper and farther away from what I want….and I do see that I am learning more and more about black and white thinking because…as I write this I see that maybe there is no answer and maybe it’s the gray between the polarities….so in that case..the last weeks that I have missed have gone something like this: moved to a beautiful house on the beach to share. Life w starts..job the job, love the beach, do not love the roommate I just felt something about her I didn’t really like, like a pull between us that was weird…but because I just felt so TIRED all over from everything I pushed those feelings away…yet the weirdness continued..and finally came to a head in a huge blow out where she attacked me and I restrained her her ( I used to working with kids with behavioral problems) and I left in the middle of the the night and I am staying with my dog in my friends living room…where, READY FOR THE BIG IRONY?? Where I was living BEFORE….so I don’t know. I do not know if there is so meaning here, about black and white thinking, manifesting accidentally, fear of responsibility  for uncomfortable things, hidden drives and motives coming, or accepting the variety of people..draw attention to myself, my surroundings, nature, universe choices….i don’t know…I just don’t know..and the situation was so surreal. Everything has just been so surreal lately. Like, why did I have to move all kinds of places when I could have just stayed here the whole time J accept, accept accept. I think ?   End Report



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Comment by itsallaboutnow on May 23, 2011 at 11:13pm
omg I'm sooo sorry to hear that! the good part is you do have great friends that you took you in until you figure out this whole thing there must be something good out of this you will figure it out later but for now try to intend a good relationship with that roommate, are you planning to go talk things with your roommate or your just leaving the place? I guess we are ALL going through our not soo great time but in my experience when that happens this means great things are going to happen one after the other :D so hopefully that will happen soon for both of us hehehe

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