These lasts days I learned something :)
1. The mental is keeping me imprisoned :p it s like my mind has a special power of going rapidly through all the aspects of my life and to ALWAYS find, focus and make giant something that could go wrong! All the hundreds of nice positive lovely things are disregarded!
I guess it s a survival instinct of self protection from danger, but it means leaving in fear that something goes wrong and focusing on the negative..which is the recipe for unhappiness :p
I spoke to my ego and told him that if he keeps on like this we will die :p that if he wants to live longer he needs to let go to this need of keeping everything under control and trust the heart and the instincts to take the right decisions. Following the mental brought me to good achievements but also desease and unhappiness of spirit. I know it is very important its role but it has been unbalanced.. I think I ll feel happier with less plans, less positive and negative aspects lists, less to do lists, less worring and anticipating and more mental silence, meditations, following instincts, following the wish of the moment :)
2. Living in the present and not thinking is regenerating
I had a wonderful day in Rome yesterday with my dad and mum, I was not thinking and just living the day. I went around to try wigs for the chemo, they bought me three of them. i look super nice in short hair..I am almost looking forward to them to fell!
I felt blessed to have this fun present, intelligent, open minded and alternative parents. I love spending time in the house were I always lived, it s like being in a regenerating nest!
3. Sometimes letting go brings you more than holding and insisting.
giving the intense period I am going through lately, I am tired to fight (for example with my partner) :p when I cannot get what I want dispite having tried to explain my reasons and I reach the stage at which the next step would be getting upset I am trying to let go..and it feels so good! Also the other person does not feel attacked and may decide to finally make a step toward you!
I have also realized that when I receive messages of people telling me that I have to be strong and FIGHT against the cancer I feel something rebelling inside me! I don t have anything to fight against..actually it s probably fighting that may have contributed to the process that led to cancer (even if I ll never know!)..I find much more right for me LETTING GO!
These are my key word now..letting go of the resistences and the attempt to go in a direction different that the one that my heart wants to go. I let go of my control and persistence, responsible, instinct and just love me a lot! Allowing me to be relaxed, happy, resting, feeling weak, feeling upset, feeling whatever..respecting what I feel, what I want, what I need and listening to that..NO FIGHTING :P
All of these REVELATIONS are things that I read here and there in the books, understood logically but not understood for real! I guess the magic in life is that from one day to another, after an intense experience which day after day works in the subconscious we understand some things for real..revelations time :)
I am happy!