I Am not sure I want to video record each day. yesterday was hard. it seems like I take 2 steps forward and 1.8 steps back sometimes.
yesterday we got bad news from the bank. Jesse is upset (understandablly) this business has drained us for several years.
I went for my first run in 6 weeks yesterday due to a bad ankle, I cried, I tried to "surrender" everything to God.
I mean I was really desperate. I decided i needed a journal on my phone to be able to type my thoughts into, and the pain thought after my run that I was journaling about it that I do not know how to surrender. I dont even really know how to manifest. I am in the fake it until you make it phase.
And then... i found it... (not how to surrender but how to connect to God)
I studied the yoga sutras from 23-26 very studiously, at one point I could almost chant the entire thing form memorization. As life got busier I have gotten further and further away from my budhhist practice and from the sutras. I have to say as a "regular" american "not religious but spiritual person" I have little to no real deep tru connection to "God" in the way he is talked about by Oprah, Maya Angelou etc. Although I desparatley wish my childhood upbringing hadn't scared me of this God and I could connect with him.
However Knowing God through the sutras and meditation feels so easy. It is like breathing, it is relatable to me. So I have started this morning sutrasonline.net and will connect with God that way.
I envision this like a communication system, my internet connection to God won't work so I have to use the phone.
what I want to be working on today is Isvhvara Pranidana "surrender to God, Surrender to Love, surrender to the reality of my life right now as it is"
"act of surrender" staying present in my life. not forcing it one way or the other.
So this is my work for today!