Hey guys so season 1 day 3 of my challenge, and today I am feeling a whole bunch of gratitude.
Ive just been thinking about a lot of things in my life and I realised since being diagnosed with depression and for a while before that. I forgot to look at the positive things in my life, instead just looking at the negatives.
For one a big thing for me, is that I have been feeling a grate deal of pain/ anger for is the relationship between me and my mum. I speak to her and I am friendly with her, but I have always felt like I dont really have a connection with my mum, not like i do with my aunt (mums sister) whos like a mum to me.
Reasons behind this are, my mums never really been a huggy and loving person, not one to say I love you unless shes laughing about it or just love you in a card. She left me and my siblings with my dad when I was 10, as she had an affair and left for the other man.
She lives close to me but I dont go and see her much, as she doesnt think before she says things. So many occasions she has hert mine and my siblings feelings. My mums very materialistic aswell, which I dont really agree with, and never having helped my dad with money for us but easily buying flash things for herself.
Ive started thinking about it more, and Im having to realise and upset that my mums not going to change as thats who she has always been. Im learning to feel a forgiveness for her, as I can tell shes got it from her mum, as my grandma used to favour my aunty, so I know she felt neglected from her own mum.
On the side of things I can be grateful for is that, by being the way she is I know that when I am a mum some time. I will never treat my child, like she has me as I know what that feels like. I will want to make sure that my child knows that they are loved and that I am proud of them. Also on the good side of things my aunty has a very positive influence in my life and I look up to her a lot. My dad is just amazing and I am very close with him and I thank god, I have my dad as hes always been there for me. I know that whatever decisions I make in life he will be there for me and I love him very much.
Also I have had other bad things happen in my life, but looking back I can see I turned things around for myself and still got some positive things out of initially negative things, that then led me to opportunities I wouldnt have had before, like working abroad and meeting my boyfriend etc.
I just want to say that today I am feeling very grateful, and I am grateful for finding this site with so many positive people which is really helong to lift me up.
Im sorry I went a little deep there, but I feel I can connect with you all and it feels good to let some of my emotions out and just be me.
Oh and by the way, I am so happy and grateful aswell that my dad came up to me and said that, if I dont have the money in time, he will give me the money for me to go on holiday with my boyfriend at the end of july :D woohooo I am soo happy and excited thats just so nice of him as he doesnt have much money, so I would have never asked him, but he knows I have been down lately. He just said that he will lend me the money and then whenever I have the money then I can pay him back. I am so happy as I havent seen my boyfriend in about 4 months, and by the time its the holiday it will be nearly 5 months. So I will make the most of every moment. So it looks like thats one of my maifestations already in progress :D
I hope you are all having a great day
Lots of love gemma xx