Yesterday was wonderful in many ways. I woke up 4 hours before the markets opened, knowing, believing, expecting ... that I would make some $ in spite of a the mostly negative positions I had in my portfolio. In view of those positions, all those minuses and red numbers, I wasn't entirely sure how it would happen, I just knew it would, and, at the close of the first session of the year, I made twice what I had set out to do!
I was so grateful, I thanked Universe all day long. For, it was Universe that unexpectedly and suddenly put me on this path, at a time when I had no hope or clue how to deal with my debts and was desperate to quit my online sales activities, which were producing nothing monetarily and at the same time, I was frustrated and felt so demeaned.
I never had any interest in nor knew nothing about the markets at that time, before or on that particular day, but without any planning, research or preparation, I found myself suddenly trading. It really was as though something plucked me out of one activity and dropped me into another all within a 24-hour period, out of the blue.
I think that at that point, I had simply resigned to and accepted the situation and was, therefore, in a very allowing state of mind and being ... and so it just happened, quickly, effortlessly, completely out of nowhere. I still can't quite get over it.
I had quite a bit of success at first, why I don't know. But, then, I forgot to be grateful and became greedy and lost my focus on many levels in my life. Consequently, I got into mostly negative positions. I never doubted that this was what Universe intended for me and recognized that I was simply not aligned and was resisting instead of allowing.
And, almost instantly, the minute I stopped resisting and started allowing, out of all of those negatives, minuses and red numbers, came a profit.
It was important to me, to start the New Year out in positive territory. Particularly after I had worked on re-aligning myself so intensely for a period of days preceeding.
Its so simple that its almost scary - :
Ask, Align + Allow = Receive
I get that some people (although not anyone on this site) would say it was a fluke, a lucky accident or something like that. But, I don't think so. In fact, I know it was no fluke nor accident.
Now, I happily await Monday and am not worried at all in the meantime. I have still more negatives, minuses and red numbers, but I intend to turn those into profits. I have no idea of how to do it, but I am not concerned with the "hows" at the moment. Because I know that when the time comes, I will know how.
If I step back, and reflect on my words and thoughts in an (ignorant of LoA) way, I would surmise that I've lost my mind. But, for reasons I cannot quite explain, and actually feel no need to, I just simply know that I haven't lost my mind at all; I'm not crazy ... I'm merely in touch with my desires - again. (Its been awhile.)
LoA is what it is. So pure, so simple.
I sometimes get tired of all of the over-analysis, which feels very overwhelming to me. I don't feel like I need to be an expert or have some big bag of tricks ... the fact of the matter is that after my child's attempted suicide, emergence of childhood abuse repressed memories and several other major life stressors in 2008, all coming on top of each other ... I disconnected at some point last year. And, after that, my life fell apart.
I had no hope; only horrific fears ... of everyone and everything, including myself. I was drowning in my fears 24/7. All along, I knew what I needed to do, but didn't have the strength.
And, then, I hit bottom. And, at that point, I thought about just ending it for good and forever. But, I remembered ... how life once was ... what a joy it was to simply be alive, and what a truly charmed life I once had ... and then I decided that if this was the bottom, then I can only go up. I can start with a clean, white canvass, and reinvent myself and myself. In my mind's eye, I visualize painting whatever I like on this clean, white, empty canvans - and whatever I paint, well, then, that will be my life. But, simply painting on that canvass is not enough; I know that. What I have to do is:
Ask, Align, Allow ...
And, if I do those simple things, then first come the baby steps, like yesterday. And, then come the jumps and then the leaps and, before I know it, I (the true, real me) will be back ... again navigating my ship through the calm and the storms ... but it will be ME who is navigating, taking 100% responsibility for my life ... enjoying the sweet serenity of the HERE and NOW to the fullest ... I'm already at the helm.
Sooooo good to be here, among co-creators.