Day 48...Almsot half way there!

I havent really been keeping up with the 100 day challenge to be honest. Though I do try to remind myself.

I have attempted to get involved in a relationship, turns out to be very distracting. I forgot how much I am NOT ready nor do I enjoy being in relationships because 1: Im confused about the relationship I have with myself which only gets projected onto my relationships with other people and 2: That being said I do not trust people easily and have a hard time understanding why anyone would want to put up with me. Negative I know, but the truth...working on it.

I become jealous over nothing and it is highly unpleasant. I have been tempted to give up several times and it has not been very long. he said something today that highly disurbed me which I will not mention here. Anywya, I`m going to a rock festival with him for the weekend so I will see how that goes, but I do not think I want to continue this for very long. Maybe Im just in a bad mood.

I realise alot of my posts lately are negative but i cant pretend like Im perfect. This is the reality.

I was watching a video the other day that definately made me feel better though, about how...you gotta just... CHILL OUT. Stop trying to improve, stop trying to achieve, stop TRYING to be, and just...BE. "Where are you trying to go?!" You're already where you need to be"... That made alot of sense to me. Theres a line from one of my favorite bands that I really love its: 'YOU KNOW THAT EVERY TIME I TRY TO GO WHERE i REALLY WANNA BE ITS ALREADY WHERE I AM...BECAUSE I ALREADY THEEEEREEE!!!" True say.

I think too much. I try too much. I put way too much pressure on myself. People are people. Nobody is better than anyone, we are all just people and we are all connected and play an important role wether "positive" or "negative" (which APPARENTLY is just an illusion...), in the evolution of humanity.

There is something very difficult about accepting things as they are...simplicity.

This thing that my boy friend said that bothered me, as I sit here and write this I realise, who the F**** CARES?! What is meant to be will be.

I wil follow my heart and stay true to myself and not compare myself to others. I have my own path and cannot waste my time comparing, it is irrelevant.

I seem to make alot of statements that delcare something, talk is cheap. But writting it down does help. I think Im headed in the right direction

I will forever be greateful for: my mom, sister, home, music, and Mother Earth. <3

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Comment by InfiniteMagik on June 13, 2013 at 11:37pm: Thanks alot I appreciate your advice and support from the bottom of my heart :)

Comment by Sunny Side Up on June 13, 2013 at 9:48am: I think you are realizing very important lessons about life and yourself. Hold onto them when you are feeling down. You don't need to prove anything to anyone nor do they have to prove anything to you. Try to fully accept yourself first, and then it will be easier to accept others. I hope you can do this. That this guy wants to be with you shows that you have a lot to offer even when you are being negative. So take the advice of that video and CHILL OUT and enjoy the ride!

Comment by V on June 12, 2013 at 10:14am: Dear InfiniteMagik, I like the part where you say comparing yourself with others is a waste of time! I do too compare myself a lot with other but I think I am getting better over time. All of us have our own journeys, own paths so never ever compare yourself with anyone else. Relationships....I really think every person comes into our life to teach us something. It took me too years to understand this concept. You are right, the only relationship that matters is between you and you. All the best and enjoy the rock festival. :)