I havent really been keeping up with the 100 day challenge to be honest. Though I do try to remind myself.
I have attempted to get involved in a relationship, turns out to be very distracting. I forgot how much I am NOT ready nor do I enjoy being in relationships because 1: Im confused about the relationship I have with myself which only gets projected onto my relationships with other people and 2: That being said I do not trust people easily and have a hard time understanding why anyone would want to put up with me. Negative I know, but the truth...working on it.
I become jealous over nothing and it is highly unpleasant. I have been tempted to give up several times and it has not been very long. he said something today that highly disurbed me which I will not mention here. Anywya, I`m going to a rock festival with him for the weekend so I will see how that goes, but I do not think I want to continue this for very long. Maybe Im just in a bad mood.
I realise alot of my posts lately are negative but i cant pretend like Im perfect. This is the reality.
I was watching a video the other day that definately made me feel better though, about how...you gotta just... CHILL OUT. Stop trying to improve, stop trying to achieve, stop TRYING to be, and just...BE. "Where are you trying to go?!" You're already where you need to be"... That made alot of sense to me. Theres a line from one of my favorite bands that I really love its: 'YOU KNOW THAT EVERY TIME I TRY TO GO WHERE i REALLY WANNA BE ITS ALREADY WHERE I AM...BECAUSE I ALREADY THEEEEREEE!!!" True say.
I think too much. I try too much. I put way too much pressure on myself. People are people. Nobody is better than anyone, we are all just people and we are all connected and play an important role wether "positive" or "negative" (which APPARENTLY is just an illusion...), in the evolution of humanity.
There is something very difficult about accepting things as they are...simplicity.
This thing that my boy friend said that bothered me, as I sit here and write this I realise, who the F**** CARES?! What is meant to be will be.
I wil follow my heart and stay true to myself and not compare myself to others. I have my own path and cannot waste my time comparing, it is irrelevant.
I seem to make alot of statements that delcare something, talk is cheap. But writting it down does help. I think Im headed in the right direction
I will forever be greateful for: my mom, sister, home, music, and Mother Earth. <3