My dear God, I've always been a very diligent and kind daughter of yours. These days I've been constantly working on improving myself to be a better person and to get myself back. I've been doing meditation and lots of exercises. I've been actively doing exercises. I've been cultivating my positive thinking. I've been giving whenever I can. I felt grateful for everyone's help especially in the past week, including F, Jack, Chris, his sister, my parents, my therapists, Nick, Armin, Michelle, Joanne, Janetine, Winita, my thai boxing trainer and many many other people, and everything I have in my life. I've learnt a lot and I continue to learn.
My dear God, I think it's time for me to enjoy some excitement and joy. Please give me some surprising happiness fast. Something I didn't plan, but makes me feel so happy, so loved, so warm, so sweet, so excited. It makes my heart quivers with joy and sweetness and love.
Thanks very much in advance.
It's been a few days since my last entry, as I've been busy since last Wednesday. I met a new friend - a friend's friend visiting from Germany. We had a good time and some surprisingly open chat. Apparently his three year long choppy relationship just ended too two months ago. When I talked about it with another friend the next day, he was like "why do you always attract people of similar craziness to you?" It's actually quiet interesting, I do attract people of the same situation and mindset as me all the time. LOA does work.
Met F on Thursday, and he's very supportive and we had a good dinner together. I accept that I still feel it's not over and I can't let him go at the moment, but I also accept that there's nothing much I can do but sending good wishes, and there's nothing more important to find myself back.I have no intentions to change myself as a person, but I do need to find the balance of my life.
Yesterday I went to the Salsa lesson - inspired by SK (:P). It was an amazing experience. A colleague of mine agreed to go with me, and as there's only another guy there, it was actually an very private lesson at a cheap price. When I stood in front of the mirror, I felt so shy as I haven't seen my whole body in a mirror and looked at myself like this for a long long time. It was great - it forces me to really look into myself and be proud of who I am - an amazing person.
It's Saturday today, I haven't done anything constructive. I felt like giving myself a rest - but still feel a bit intense. A lot of thoughts are flowing to me and I gotta deal with it.
When I went out last night, I bumped into people I knew. It's really weird. I bumped into someone that I met on the same day I met F. Then I bumped into another someone who I want to establish some friendship with him as he's done a volunteer work in Africa too.
Things I'm grateful about these days:
New friends, great massage, nice thai boxing training, F and his good thoughts about me, easy and peaceful work, my appetite to eat a huge burger last night - biggest meal I had for ages, all my friends, my family, Salsa dance, reconnection with some old friends, my health.
I intend to manifest a happy and relaxing weekend that I'll start off Monday energetically and confidently.