The 100 Day Reality Challenge

I believe that everyone on CCOR is here because we all feel there's a higher calling for us, because we believe we have something more to receive from and something more to offer to this world. So yesterday while resting, I've been pondering the higher calling of my life. I didn't get any answer. I felt nothing.

I'm normally a very emotional and passionate person. That's the way how I lived in the past. While getting more peaceful and calm these days, I'm not very used to this new calm me. I'm more used to feeling that thrilling joy and heart stabbing pain. So I meditated for a long time yesterday.

It resulted in three dreams last night, all about my ex and all very vivid and real. My subconscious clearly told me in my dream that what is good for me, what I fear, and what is going to happen in the future. I agree with my subconscious full-heartedly, though it still feels very sad to accept it, as it means I should give up trying to fix my past three years and start to live now and work to a future.

I'm not ready, I told my intuition. I know you are right. I'm not ready. Just give me a little bit more time and I'll accept it. The same as when f had that unexpected big talk with me.

Then I suddenly realised maybe I'll never be "ready". Maybe I just need to face it and accept it and then deal with it.

I'm not ready to quit smoking. I'm not ready to let it go. I'm not ready to look for a new job. I'm not ready to travel around the world. I'm not ready to start over again. I'm not ready to live on my own.

I'll never be ready. How can we be ever ready for everything that life brings us?

So eventually, I put up my first post in my new blog which I've been thinking about writing for a long time but always thought I'm not emotionally ready to write yet. It's a blog that I intend to write about things I love in life, but I wasn't actually be able to write very lovingly and positively. Anyhow, it felt good to start writing again. Writing has always been a passion and a career I wanted to pursue in my life. At least I'm doing something towards it.

Things I'm grateful about today: waking up with three dreams, a friend discussing my dreams with me, nice coffee and muffin, a good afternoon nap, dinner, being able to write fairly light-heartedly.

Tomorrow is a new week. I feel fine with it. It will be a routine week. Go to work, eat, exercises, but I'm curious to know what new thoughts and feelings this week is going to bring to me.

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Comment by Sharon on November 1, 2011 at 11:45am

Thanks everyone for the comments. I'm learning to embrace my feelings and observing my emotions and focus on things which made me feel good. Think I'll see where it leads to.

Lots of thanks and love to all your support. x

Comment by Sunny Side Up on October 31, 2011 at 9:30pm

Sometimes you have to just take a leap of faith, and if you do, a net will appear. You do not need perfect conditions to take a step, you just need to take the step. But on the other hand, if someone doesn't know what they should do, I feel that they should wait until it becomes more clear. I think your emotions can be your guidance system in that case, to help  you figure out what you should do. So I guess I feel this is a complicated issue.

Comment by Jill on October 30, 2011 at 8:48pm
Hi All, I love this post. Sharon you have just pointed out that there is a time called "right now to do this or that" when you realize that you are "not ready". So many will jump overboard when they are "not ready". Realizing when you are "ready" and when you are "not" is a truth that is illuminated here. We all should move or take action when the time is right. Thanks. Love and Light, J
Comment by WLK on October 30, 2011 at 12:40pm

You have an excellant point - if we waited until it was perfect - nothing would happen or change.   I went through a "mood" withdrawal when I began to get calmer and calmer (through meditation).  I was worried I was giving something up/ some part of me that I would miss...I suppose I was.  Except I really did not miss the drama, living in the past or dwelling.  I just wasn't used to the change.  Thank you for sharing and have a wonderful week. 

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