Boy am I on a journey right now!
From the moment I came to realise that the book is essentially finished and only days away from being released my emotions have hit me like a ton of bricks.
The reason I am blogging in word rather than on video is because I don't trust myself not to burst into tears!
For the last 3 days I been brought to tears at the drop of a hat and I'm feeling very raw.
I messaged an author I know who wrote a book that also shared some of his most painful memories and told him I was a mess and second guessing the relevance of sharing this stuff and he immediately picked up the phone to call me and confirm what I had thought which is that this is pretty normal.
In the interim I also received some wonderful messages of support via facebook including one from a past instructor of mine who said "Just pre-fight nerves - you always killed it at show time! Bring it on" and that was exactly what I needed to hear!!
I also received messages from women sharing their stories with me and letting me know I was inspiring them.
I know it will all be worth it, I just didn't expect to feel so raw, I thought that was done when I wrote it and throughout the editing process!!!
Yesterday was a rough day and I did something I wouldn't normally do and I rang my friend Tania and told her I needed her shoulder. She was so amazing, helped me put things in perspective and just let me talk things through and not just the book stuff.
Chris and I are great and so well matched but he is going through some really tough stuff to do with the custody of his girls and I have so much on my plate right now so we have decided to see less of each other so we can focus our attention where it is required right now. We are doing this to preserve what we have, if we try to keep doing what we are now amongst all of the things we have to handle it will put a lot of pressure on our relationship and we just don't want to risk it.
We aren't breaking up and we aren't about to see anyone else, we love each other but we need to give each other some space to deal with our respective "stuff".
This is an entirely new approach for me and I'm quite proud of both of us for being honest and insightful enough to know what we need.
We are spending the night together tonight, going out for dinner and drinks with friends and just enjoying each other. That will continue but a lot less of it.
I have been through awful custody stuff and I know how damaging it can be to relationships and while I will be there to support him we also know that keeping it separate from "us" is going to be better for us in the longterm.
So a lot of stuff do deal with in the last few days, I feel as though I could sleep for a month but taking all of the emotion out of things everything is as it should be.
I have a lot to look forward to in the coming few months and a lot of work to do:
We officially launch Where Women Go on Monday and Wendy is dead set on selling 26 towns in 100 days so that will be HUGE!
My book should be released next week.
I still have to launch the mag.
Wendy and I are going to Vegas and San Fran in June.
My daughter has a trip to Vietnam in June and both my son and daughter are off to the gold coast with their dad in June also.
I have Pitchfest coming up with KPI (in JUNE of course!!) and I plan on winning that thing!
I have 2 beginner programs running at PUSH this term and we are also running a 10 week challenge.
I am also close to being fully rehabbed so my training can also step up again.
Not having the pressure of driving up and back to Chris and working around his shifts is going to make life a lot easier, I'll miss him like crazy but I know I will be more productive and if ever I needed to be productive it is going to be this coming term.
I'm hanging out to see where I am at day 100!!