Gratitude and Shadow Work
I'm starting to get into a groove of easy, yet financially and musically rewarding singing jobs, and teaching yoga regularly at a couple studios really close to me in Philly. Everything is falling into place, schedule-wise. I'm filling the cracks in my singing schedule with yoga teaching gigs. And all this Abundance has everything to do with me just sitting back and patiently waiting for the right opportunities to come along and using my Intuition to know the right opportunities from the wrong opportunities. Oh, I have an on-line presence now, as well: goodwolfyoga.wordpress.com. For all of these Opportunities and for My Clear Intuition to know when to be a "yes" and when to be a "no", I give Gratitude. I am so Happy and Grateful that $$$ money $$$ comes to me from multiple sources, in increasing quantity, on a continuous basis. Grateful for the Abundance of the Universe. Grateful for Music and Yoga. Grateful for family and friends, even the ones who have poor judgement and make bad decisions in the voting booth and I forgive anyone for their misguided beliefs.
My love life is even heating up! I was at a coffee shop with a friend a couple months ago, when a friend of hers stopped to talk to us. I thought he was really cute, so I got his number from my friend and we've been seeing each other for a month now. I haven't quite decided if I want this to be serious, since technically it's my rebound relationship--- first relationship since I broke up with my partner of 14 years almost 2 years ago (first time I've dated someone since the 90s!)--- so I will give it until the beginning of December or so to decide if this guy is someone I can be serious about.
The great thing about relationships is that they force us to reckon with our Shadow Selves. For instance, it's been so long since I've been in a new relationship, I've forgotten what a train wreck of a thought process I have when I'm in them! I am a relationship disaster! I realize, now that I am self-aware, that I have a classic Fear of Intimacy (it can either be emotional intimacy or physical intimacy). So if I'm playing out classic Fear of Intimacy patterns in my relationships (my m.o. is to try and get fulfilled physically with as little emotional investment as possible and when it seems like I can't avoid the emotional attachment anymore, I self-sabotage the relationship by coming up with some excuse as to why I'm no longer interested/attracted/invested in my partner). So, yeah, that's a lot to be self-aware of and who knows if I even have the courage to flip the script and play out the Shadow Side of that scenario, which is allowing myself to trust and become emotionally deep and close with someone. I think, for me, the first step is to keep the lines of communication open. I've already flat-out told the guy I'm seeing that I have a Fear of Intimacy and suddenly a lot of my behaviors made sense to him (I'm a "ghoster"--- I can disappear for up to 2 weeks after contact with no texts or anything!) Especially now, after living for almost 2 years as a single woman for the first time in my life (I've ALWAYS lived with a roommate or partner or family my entire life until May 2014!) and embracing my independence, I foresee there will be an epic battle between the Shadow and the Ego... maybe it won't be a part of this current relationship, but it WILL happen!