I realized today, after being woke at midnight and not being able to sleep I cleaned a bit and did some thinking. This journey is neat, it is also eye opening though and scary at the same time. I'm going to talk about each one.
The hubby, in case you hadn't read in the comment section of my last post he's up to it again. Okay, yesterday he did the whole giving me money. Many would look at that as a good sign, but not if you know. I'd hoped, I won't lie. I also tried getting him to watch "Fireproof" as I think it deals with us. No he didn't watch the movie and will be returning it tonight. This morning, I awoke to him going through my pants and him saying, "Money?" I rolled back over in a way to avoid this. "I Need lunch." I slowly crawled out of bed, went to get MY money he'd given me for ME and handed him a $5. He looked at it, at me and rolled his eyes. Yes, I'm sure he wanted more but no. It'll never end, I see it. yes, he isn't taking the $5 to spend there but he would've had money of his own had he not went there yesterday. It's just a circle.
Classes for me will end end of March/beginning of April, I have family and friends waiting for me. I won't be sticking around. I had really hoped but as many before me came to realize it'll have to be him to fix him, not me. I need to work on my own self, I'm co-dependant and know it. Now I need to start focusing on ME and spoiling myself, being kind, selfish a bit, etc.
Goals: Increase my blogging income, get some money flying in to me somehow. Plus my dream home is coming up to a close. ;) hehe. I also need to visualize and focus on what I want for my life and know without a doubt it is what I want. I believe I know what that outcome is, it is just a matter of getting there and excepting it. I've never been one to give up, I've fought this fight for a long time, it is time to accept and move on. I am greatful for the many years we've had together, the four children that came of it and always having food and a house. I hope that some day he will be happy and love himself, I don't think he really does, even though he's selfish. This is actually hard to write, but I think this journal has been my one huge source of learning about me. It'll be neat to read it a year from now.
Manifestations- Wow, I asked for a shove from the universe in the direction I should go and i've been shoved and pushed. Some other things confused me, since he tried being nice, but I was pushed right back to where I needed to be either a few hours later or a day. When I asked for a book, I got it. Recommendation I got that too (yoga and pilates) I just need to buy it now, almost did yesterday and went there today and the price was raised. Will wait. Car spaces have been given to me too as a dvd code for a free movie. Small gifts from the universe and guidance too in the form of words, friendships and advice. I'm greatful for all that as well.
Today: Work and make a peaceful space to do my work. Refocus on myself again.