It's finally here... the end of Season 1!
What a wonderful exploration this has been. Here's the down-and-dirty reality for me: Two years ago at this time, I was 87 pounds and addicted to prescription pills. I was on anti depressants, anti-anxiety meds, and a steady diet of carrot sticks and mustard. I cried, yelled, screamed at everyone around me and was generally horrible to be around. I cut myself with razors to the point that I needed stitches, several times. I had totally let go of my grip on reality, I was delusional, hearing voices. I felt like my life was not worth living. And I really, truly wanted to just die.
Who the heck was that person, stealing my life, devouring my body, belittling every action I took? Sometimes it's hard to believe I could have been so hateful...violent...hopeless...and afraid.
Last year, I traveled to Egypt and stood in awe at one of humankind's most mysterious and wonderous achievements: the great pyramids at Giza. I prayed to my angels in the Vatican Chapel in Rome. I did my Christmas shopping at a mall on the side of a cliff in Peru. I walked the ruins of Ephesus and Herculaneum. I stood under the Eiffel Tower. I strolled down the sunny streets of Malta and Corsica. I swam in the gorgeous tropical waters of St Maarten and Barbados. I stood on the bow of a gigantic cruise ship at 2am, speechless at the chilly Norwegian sun.
I met people from over 60 countries and made friendships that will certainly last a lifetime. I stood in front of crowds of over 300 people, passionately teaching and selling great artwork from Picasso, Rembrandt, Miro, Matisse, Chagall and Dali. I learned to handle my business with composure, professionalism, and grace. I loved, and lost, and loved again. How could I have ever honestly believed that my life wasn't worth living?
Today, I stand at a unique crossroads. I have experienced hell, and I have experienced what could only be called divine miracles. I have seen the power of my own mind and the effects that my perceptions have on myself and others. I realized that just as I created panic, despair, and a world full of injustice and hatred, I could also choose to create a state of happiness, balance, and calm. And now, although I still have my difficult days, I've done it! I am whole! My world is a place that is peaceful, loving, radiant and full of LIFE!
What a gorgeous blessing this 100 Day process has been for me!!! I've learned to focus my energy, and I meditate every day, often twice. I love to exercise, and I can do it without going overboard. I can eat pizza and french fries and chocolate cake without (too much) guilt. I know that it's okay to cry and be angry, it's natural, and when it's out of my system, I've grown a little bit more each time. I've healed the damaged relationships in my family, and now I make it a point to tell them -- and show them -- how important they are to me, and how much I love them and thank them for all their support. And even though things sometimes look bleak from this vantage point, I know that the Universe brings us gifts which are greater than we could ever imagine... The PURPOSE OF LIFE IS TO EXPERIENCE JOY, in all its manifestations.
This quest makes me wake up every day and put a smile on my face! I greet my challenges with enthusiasm and a pioneering spirit. I know I am a strong, healthy, beautiful creature of God and I am perfect!!! And so is everyone I come into contact with. I could never, ever forget that.
I also faced a bit of a quandary in the last week of my challenge. I had been trying to find a balance between practicing presence and creating my future, while at the same time, putting my past into a context of total positivity. I went through a lot of surrendering, forgiving, and peacemaking. I am starting to see that life doesn't always have to be deep and complex. All of the changes I have made in myself are making me realize how simple things can truly be. By following the guidance in our hearts and minds, by believing in a higher truth, and by connecting with the good in all things... we attain our goals and find our reason to be. And that reason is LOVE.
It's great to be ME! I love my life!!!!
And I love all of you and support you on your paths completely. Great things are on their way to you, right now, as you read these words!!! Your prayers and desires will dazzle you with their brilliance, as one by one, they are answered and realized. Blessings to all of you... life truly is a GIFT.
See you in Season 2!!!!