The 100 Day Reality Challenge

Finding a soul mate, partner and true love is a very important goal of mine and has been since my first challenge over a year ago. Now I have my ex boyfriend back in my life and crazy in love with me and I am not even really sure how I feel about it.

I will start out stating some positive things about my bf so I can make sure this is fair:

-He is handsome, kind, considerate, patient, hardworking, funny, and creative.

-He knows my children and does whatever he can to help them. He genuinely wants to go on vacations all together: me, my eight year old, and my fifteen year old. In fact on Sunday we are going to the beach together for three days and it will be great.

-I truly have a great deal of affection for him, love him sleeping next to me. We interlock arms and put our heads together in a way that is blissfully sweet and comfortable. Now that he is off the drugs he is a delight to sleep with, just a big worm mountain of muscles and soft warm skin that says "I love you, baby."

-He has a business that is doing really well, and has lots of plans to take us places and do wonderful things for us.

...so far it sounds like a dream come true. In fact, my heart is racing with appreciation right now. I have to say that I am truly fortunate.

Now back to my dilemma. There are other things that are not so great. Just as I did before I will go through and weigh this out.

-We fight a lot and don't fight well. I am Cancerian and he is Sagittarius- fire and water. Often times I feel frustrated and irritated with him, which eventually sets off his temper, which leads him to raise his voice and say exactly those things that most upset and disturb me. In fact, in these arguments he says some really bad things that reveal him to be unforgiving about a past relationship, racist- most specifically about the race that below mentioned ex

-His mother doesn't like me and in my past relationship with this man the mother and the sister were always a source of trouble for me. Which is even worse because he is living with his parents now.

-Now if you have read this far, thank you! Now here is the most surprising of the problems between me and this guy- I still have feelings for another guy. I am not actually seeing the other man, but was in the very recent past and made some terrible mistakes- ones that on the level of my heart I regret. But even though it hurt to pull away so dramatically and drastically but to be more honest, I had to blow the relationship because I was discovering how shady and maybe even sleazy this guy was, just about everything; drugs, violence, weapons, women, and who knows what else. Still an extremely intelligent, interesting, person.. a completely unique and charming person despite all his flaws. Now I don't plan on anything ever happening again, but I can't help thinking about him and I feel drawn to him. It is like I feel like I know this person very well but actually I don't at all.

So there you have it.

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Comment by MTB on August 2, 2009 at 3:30am
Perhaps you should focus on the opposite thing of the things you do not want. When you focus on fighting then you create more of it, instead focus on peace and harmony.
Comment by Seisrush Ob on July 31, 2009 at 6:40pm
I've just had the misfortune of my fiance' leaving me for the other man.

If nothing else, just be honest. That she fell out of love with me, or came to love this other man more, is painful; but not as painful as the dishonesty that went along with it.
Comment by crystalspirit on July 31, 2009 at 6:45am
Hi Elaine,

Thanks for your honesty!! I've read this amazing book called "Too good to leave, to bad to stay" from Mira Kirschenbaum maybe it's helpful to you as well? It especially talks about the issues of respect and trust in a relationship and how the see if the chemistry is real..
I believe when you're still having feelings for another guy, you're not totally committed to this relationship and it will never work..Please be honest to yourself and the people around you..
All the best with making decisions!!

Much love Mascha
Comment by Claudia M on July 31, 2009 at 1:58am
All you've talked about is him. You can't love someone else until you love yourself. My gut says the "fighting" is really negative and Follow YOUR gut. I think this isn't a good thing. JMO. You deserve more.

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