So much has been happening. Its funny, you know when you are goin gthrough life in the moment you don't really know why things are happening- especially the so called "problems" you want life to go one way but it bends another direction that you didn't expect and you call it wrong but it's only our perception in the moment. Realistically I can see now that the universe is for us, everything happens for a reason and everything is for our good- even if we think it is a problem at the time. Its not a problem at all and later we will discover it was a piece in our puzzle that created bridge to the next adventure in our story. Here's the thing with myself. Usually I fight things "problems" that happen in my life- I have thought why me? I don't want this to happen!!! All sorts of things have come to mind. All I wanted was for that thing to go away. Now was it that thing or my perception of it that needed to change? I think my perception of not accepting and embracing what is right before me. TRUSTING that what is happening now is for my best interest and I will see why later. So sitting here now- today I finished taking my second Nia class. I started to feel a sense of emotional healing and encouraging of individual expression- all the things I truely need to get out of myself are in this class. Heck I even look different when I leave because i am feeling so good- it is a emotional physical dare I saw spiritual release when i am finished and during this class. Much movement and emotions that I have been needed to heal and take out of myself for a long time. I have held them bottled up tight- and this freeing no jhudgemental for of expression of genuwine authentic ME in motion is liberating. You know how long I have held the real me in- through movement- and emotion- holding them tight- living in the confines of social judgement aka social anxiety. So here I am after much spiritual practice, many books, many teachers, much agape, meditation, diet, journalling, reaching out to anything and anyone that could help, finding god in the process. The anxieties brought me to my knees! And what I found was god. The only thing that has freed me is god. Thank you thank you thank you! I call it god you may call it alah. I saw the spiritual essence of the universe that is in all living things....Ok back to my first point..lol...after feeling overjoyed with emotion after taking this class I started to think about my life and all of the events leading up to myself finding out and actually going to a Nia class. In short it was 1) social anxiety- MASSIVE progressive anxities growing through my pre-adolecse, teenage years as well as young adulthood. Always thinking there was something fundamentally wrong with me I covered up my authentic self- I didn't show myself I became fake- because the real me was malfunction- I didn't feel hole- I didn't feel complete- I felt ugly and unworthy- I had massive social anxieties around ppl. Worries of judgements fears so deep rooted within that it took to the point of sould deeeeeeepppp deeeeeppppp soul searching to get to thr bottom of this- and eventually bringing me to my knees and wanting nothing else in this life but inner peace. That became my primary goal. period! Like fuck the cars! Fuck the clothes! I am going after peace. My pain was that bad. Couldn't go to school, hold a job, talk openly to my family, experience happy emotions- since I was scared alday- couldn't express my authentic self- I was living for others pretty much- because i coulodn't be happy within because I was scared I acted like I was happy because that is how I am suppossed to be- I thought everyone else was genuwinely happy and I was the only one faking. Come to find out many years later that is not true. Other fake and the3 emptiness everyone has- noone has that wholness and completess without god. Sooooo this hourney started for inner peace- many many modalities later I ended up getting
1b) brought me to spiritual awakening and depth within- TO GOD
2) married and the questioned myself- thinking (remember what I said earlier about "problems" I thought it was a crisis- oh no maybe I married the wrong person.....
3) which brought me to Dale
4)Which brought me to Nia- which has a spiritual depth and healing- if I would have never had anxiety I would have never found or taken Nia- probably would have thought it was weird
Which dance has always been my passion and I always have told myself and been mad at myself for not dancing- not being able to dance and be myself and fufill my dreams that I could see. What if I needed more depth before I could follow my dreams and I achieved that through anxiety- which then is bringing me dance- just a different way then I expected.
Things happen for a reason- this is one of those times. Everyone has a plan. Yes you do! We all do. God has a plan bigger than you can see or imagine- and all of those things fit together in a way that you could have never imagined- but it all came to support you. So next tiume you think that something is a problem say thank you because in time you will see that it is a gift and that you are right on track with you next stage in life.
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