I have decided to restart. I am now at the beginning of my second season I guess, I stopped halfway in my first season. I didn't have a reason. I won't call it laziness. I just stopped doing my practices.
Now I'm back, with more faith and enthusiasm.
I am on day two.
My practices include:
Blog or at least come to this website to update once a week.
I am deciding to not pressure myself too much with too many practices. There is no point or need for it.
I am happy to be back. When I started season one, my whole life improved so much! And now I'm ready for more.
That idea I had shared about face-painting children at the park worked so well I earned enough money to send myself to Latvia to see my grandparents for the first time in seven years. I will be leaving tomorrow and will stay for a month. ALSO, two days after I come back from Latvia I am going to Italy for a month! hehe =D Is that mad or what!?
I am so happy about it. It's the first time in my life I actually have money and I have the opportunity to go. I am grateful.
At this time in my life I am learning one lesson in particular. It came to me one day when I was meditating. I am really needing to learn to let go of control. While meditating I was very uncomfortable and getting restless. I realized that I was putting myself under so much pressure to "do it right". I am always doing this to myself. I was trying to control my meditation forcing myself to "RELAX, GOD DAMN IT!", control my breathing, control my body, control my thoughts. It was driving me crazy! And that is what I do to myself in life. Control my emotions, my body, my eating, my situations. I then try to control my younger sister, my mother, and anybody else who comes into my life. It's nonsense. And I am glad I am becoming aware of this in me, so I can change. Or I can let it go, let it change itself.
My healing formula is simple; let go. I can begin in my meditation to just let go. Release any expectation or desire in me to "do it right". When meditating I no longer need to control my breathing, or my thoughts. I realized that I can really just sit in silence. That's all. And relax into the silence of myself. Inner quiet.
Simple, maybe not easy at first but it's coming to me.
Another topic of mine at the moment is exercise. I am ditching motivation. It's not for me. What work's for me rather is- inspiration! =D My discipline is that everyday I will do something to inspire myself to get fit! I found a brilliant Facebook page -Keep In Shape- and scrolling through it's pictures makes my feet get restless, wanting to get up and go running. I become so inspired to exercise and be active because of that page, it's changing my whole perspective on being fit. It's getting A LOT easier!
Meditation, exercise, gratitude...life is getting better and better. I am getting better and better. The process is becoming more and more enjoyable. If this isn't what this website is about, then I don't know what is!