The 100 Day Reality Challenge

Hey everyone, I've been lying low for about 2 weeks, can't really say why. Oh, there are reasons, but i am going to catapult myself out of this little valley and find my way to JOY again!

I am not down, but not exactly UP either. I've had some health issues making me very tired, so I have been hibernating. There are also some things going on with my family that are challenging my strength.

My Grandmother has aggressive cancer at the moment, it is her third bout of Lymphoma. I am very close to her so she is never far from my mind. I am reading about health and complementary treatments to give her some help and hope. I speak to her most days and we cheer each other up.

There are some other stresses for me at the moment, I have had a challenging relationship with my brother and I am dealing with that at the moment. He has had a drug problem for at least 10 years and I usually only hear from him when he needs money. He is stable at the moment, going to a Methadone clinic, but he still acts like he always has. He lives with my Mother who is an Enabler, has taught him that he is a Victim, and he has the world's biggest chip on his shoulder. It is hard to trust him or to know what to say to him. My mother defends his behaviors and blames the rest of the family for not enabling him, too. So I guess my issue is with them both! My Grandmother (the one who has cancer) doesn't want him around her at the moment, so my Mom is upset with her. There are no words to describe how I feel, though CONFUSED would be a good start.

I am also in the midst of our kitchen remodelling, which is SO DISRUPTIVE, I had no idea how much it would derail my daily life. I haven't had a stove or sink in there for 2 weeks and we have been eating a lot of take-out food. I have not been eating enough Raw Foods lately and I can really feel it.

SO TODAY is my first day of being 50% Raw again. I am having smoothies in the mornings and salads for dinner. In between I eat whatever I can scavange from the dregs of my kitchen! :)

Well, I won't be in this rut for long, I will be having a walk in the sunny, cold air this afternoon. I need to get out and breathe! I will start my practices again today, beginning with this blog.

Send me all a smile everyone, just need the teensiest boost up and this place is a big help in finding my footing.

Love and peace,
Clarissa xxx

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Comment by Robin Amy Bass on February 6, 2009 at 7:26pm
I love the word Catapult
Comment by Clarissa Kelly on February 6, 2009 at 5:38pm
Thanks Maggie! I JUST blogged about this, i realized that where I am is right where I need to be. I guess I had to come to terms with the possiblitiy of losing my Grandmother. I had to decide how I would continue with that idea. I am staying positive and I see her being her for years to come, but I am only human and do sometimes go to that "Oh my God, she's got Cancer!" place. But it is teaching me stuff, it is all good. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥
Comment by Robin Amy Bass on February 6, 2009 at 3:44pm
my typo's are a whole other matter
Comment by Clarissa Kelly on February 6, 2009 at 3:25pm
Thank you Robin, Cari, Mascha, and Sanya, it means a lot to have friends here.

Robin, you are on to something. I do tend to go from high to low with emotions, expect to jump for joy after having some low days. Right now I am back in transition to that joy. My hormones play a big part, too (some weeks are much worse than others, if you know what I mean ladies). I am doing all I can, not beating myself up for what I am not doing. I am keeping a distance with my Mom and brother, though not pushing them away (resistance does not help me get what I desire, even in this case). Bless you Robin that you have been able to break free into your lovely, true self. You bless me here, you shine your light. :)

Cari, thanks for reminding me about the "waves." That will help me when I am on the bottom of one next time. I always "know" that, but somehow forget!

Mascha, you are always such an insightful friend. It is strange that my Grandmother is only now able to speak about what she needs, she is finally taking control. She is letting the illness teach her. And she is teaching me now, too. I am just loving her and being here for her, the healing is up to her now.

And Sanya, thanks for your lovely comment. I don't always feel that I have a good attitude. I decided about a year ago that I can't let the low-down stuff drag me down. I've been too low for too much of my life and it never helped me to dwell there. I have to choose each time to grab hold of a better thought. It works. :)

Love you all!!!
Clarissa xx
Comment by Robin Amy Bass on February 6, 2009 at 11:28am

try to find some positive light...even though it can be hard...don't shoot for "Joyful" straight form "stressed"! Do it ion degrees, til you find your way back to hopeful! Abraham Hicks talks about this a lot. Hang in. As a former "manipulator", i know what your upagainst. My mother enabled ME for years. I was able to break free of my own addcitions with the help of AA and a good therapist - this was back in the 80's- There is a phrase "DETACH WITH LOVE". It may serve you well at the moment
Comment by Cari on February 4, 2009 at 12:32pm
Things will look up again for you, Clarissa-- that's the way of energy, it comes in waves. Sometimes you're on the crest of the wave, sometimes you're at the bottom; just know that it will not remain stagnant, because energy is always moving. Good for you in taking a step to climb up out of that rut! Stay positively focused and things will turn around for you... :) Blessings, friend! Cari
Comment by crystalspirit on February 4, 2009 at 4:13am
Wonderful you're able to support your grandmother from this close, sweet Clarissa! Hearing about your family-situation I can imagine the confusion It must be hard to see your mother concealing your brother's problem~his healingprocess will never start this way It's time for him to take his responsibility, right? I think it's very brave and wise of your grandmother to tell her point of view and keep the "energyvampires" away from her She sounds like a beautiful soul~just like you

Much love and light!!
xoxoxo Mascha

PS All the best with your live food- diet, it's very inspiring!!
Comment by Lil Miss Starlight on February 3, 2009 at 4:52am
Big ((((hug)))) I think you've got a great attitude!


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