I stared doing mirror work. It feels kind of weird, but people say that talking to yourself in the mirror usually is uncomfortable at first. I tell myself that I am safe, healthy, beautiful and that good things are constantly coming to me. I know how powerful affirmations can be, but I also have to work on some other issues in my life.
I am having troubles to forgive myself for things that I've done in the past. It is especially hard because some people in my life are always reminding me and blaming me.
My dad is the strictest. After my degree, I was planning to get my Masters degree. It did not happen. The fact is that I was studying for my MA for 2 years, I passed 90% of my exams and seminars and then I ... quit? I did not actually quit, I just decided that I'm going to take some time for myself. I still worked a lot, but I did not study anymore. I travelled as much as possible - and that is how I met the love of my life. I was always telling myself, that I'm going to get my MA and each passing year I felt worse that I didn't. My dad still reminds me about it every single week. He is saying, that better education would get me a better job (I don't see how though, I wasn't aiming to be a Uni professor) and how disappointed he is.
You know, it would be easier to forgive myself for not getting that piece of paper if I wasn't constantly reminded how horrible I am.
So how can I forgive myself? I talked to him about it, but he doesn't stop at all. I feel like I will never be good enough for him and that hurts.
On the other hand ... if I got my MA, I wouldn't have met the love of my life and my twins wouldn't be born. My perfect children.
The fact is - I cannot do it not nor I really want to. I have 2 kids to look after and I want to spend as much time with them as possible. I also want to make my dream come true and being invited to join a publishing company was so amazing for me. I cannot wait to start...
So, why can I just be happy with what i am doing now? Why am i still stressed out, because I'm not good enough for my dad?
I really have to work on that, because I know that i deserve the best!