The 100 Day Reality Challenge

im just making my life miserable. i know that i create my own life. and i don't know anymore how to help myself.

i know that nobody wants to read long posts, so dont. im writing this for myself.

i hate how you take everything so seriously. i just would like you to live an easy life. i would love to fall in love with life, i hate that i you live in this roller coaster of ups and downs. i hate that you dont love yourself. i hate that you are living in your little, silly thoughts and make yourself unhappy. i hate that you dont have friends and you are alone. i hate that you are alone and live a lonely life. im tired that you are trying to change your body all the time. im tired that you dont believe in yourself. im tired that you get offended easily. i hate that you have this sister, whose life you cannot accept. i love her child, i cannot accept her angry husband and her miserable life. i cannot accept that. i hate that that thing is in my life. i hate that i have you, you russian boy who is messing my head. i hate that i dont understand your signals and i hate that i hope that you like me. i hate that i think about you and i am tired of you. i want to let go of you. i dont need you. why are you in my life? just get out of my head. but i dont want you to get out of my life. because of you i feel more special, that you might like me.

please leran to love life and yourself. please stop living like this. stop it. im tired. im sooo tired. im sooo tired of you!!!! just let me live. how can i let you live?? how can i do it? im alone, i have noone to ask these questions how can i help you? i dont know what to think anymore. i dont want to be alone, i dont want you to be miserable, but i get burned by life everytime i try to change something. im tired of no love in my life! why nobody just would be near me and listen to me and hug me. why do i have to learn to be evrything for myself. why i have to be everything for myself? how can I be all I need? how can I be enough for me? how can i bring all the joy i want just with myself. i have nothing in my life. nothing. nothing brings warmth to my soul. i fucking messed up. im so fucking messed up. i just want to disappear from everything. i am tired of acting that everything is ok, when it is not. and i dont want anyone to know that something wrong. but i do want that. but i wont tell anyone why im so sad. i will never open my soul. i tried to do that and got burned. i dont want to make myself unhappy anymore. but when i think about it, let it be so. let me be miserable and hate my life. let me be sad. let me hate. let me hate everything. let me sat fuck you sons of bitchesd you fucking assholes and fucking dicks and bitches and rude nasty fucking fuxks and every cunt on this planet and every asshole fuck you all, fuck you all dumbass bitches, fuck you life. fuck everything. i just hate you so much. i cant take you anymore. i just want you to go away and never come back, bitch.

help me get away from this! help me you asshole to get away from this! im tired of people, of everything, can i just die? can i just sleep and die please? if im going to be alone, then it better is to go to sleep and never wake up. if i live miserabbly with no family and alone, its better to never experiance that and die. die in sleep. never wake up to this shit, start over. star over. for a 100000th time start over. tried that, didnt work. cuz im alone with your toughts. i respect you, you know what i like in you. you know that you are a leader and capable of great things. you are a leader, you are a star. you know you are.

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Comment by Sunny Side Up on January 29, 2013 at 5:46pm

"you know that you are a leader and capable of great things"

So what great things to you want to do? What would be the very first step? I actually think you already took it :)

Comment by Raizel on January 29, 2013 at 10:51am

I should have read this one first. Anyway, it looks that this post may have been quite terapeutic for you. You know what? I used to hate myself. Until not so long ago. And I'm not saying it's all perfect now, it's just a lot better. When I felt like shit, I wrote 'I LOVE YOU' on my mirror with thick black marker. I didn't really feel that way, but I figured I'll fake it till I make it (people who really love themselves don't need to write that on their mirrors, I suppose). And it's helped to see it there, though it looked riddiculous. I was looking at it every time I entered my room, when I woke up, when I did my makeup. It's not written there anymore. You're going to be just fine. I can tell, just by that last paragraph.

Comment by Anja Toetenel on January 28, 2013 at 5:16pm

Believe in your unlimited possibilities, be open to receive, you can do it, I believe in you, you are doing a great job! Venting is a wonderful way to get rid of negative emotions and stuff that blocks you. Big compliment for being so open and honest, that's why I know you can do it because only powerful people dare to be so open and honest to get the sh*t out of their system. Wow, powergirl!

Much love to you xxx

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