wow, I'm really yoyo'ing today.
I'm going from really joyous to really depressed.
OOhhhhhh...I just realized...My sister died 2 years ago yesterday.
No wonder I started feeling upset last night, amidst all the wonderful things happening.
Her death was the 3rd in my immediate family of 6 in a window of (I think?) a year's time...rest well Mom, Dad, and Ann...
no wonder...I read that the human brain can remember every event (anniversaries, for example) and the time it happened over the course of a a lifetime.
Should I mark my morbid calender for next year so don't get taken by surprise at the angel of death tapping on my shoulder? I wasn't this upset at my mother's death anniversary June 3rd.
My sister died with an aspiration tube down her throat 2 weeks after heart surgery at the age of 53, choking on her own phlem. She had not been truly healthy for a while, she was diabetic.
Coincidentally, a friend suprised me with beautiful roses yesterday. She did not know it was an anniversary, she was just showing appreciation. maybe Somebody knew I would need the roses?...mysterious...
It's a bit complicated, but I had felt somehow that Ann had been "sacrificed", and had died so I could live a better life.
Maybe this is "survivor guilt"?
I had fantasized that I was receiving energy from beyond this world. Maybe it was imagination, maybe it was real, maybe both?