Season 1 Day 48:
I noticed that my feelings and behavior have changed over the past couple days. I feel like my body has done a complete 360. Like it my body and soul feels different than it used to feel.
Recently as well this change has included my body waking up in the middle of the night, or real early in the morning naturally. Then its at these times I feel a sudden urge to write about something, or I get a flood of emotions coming up out of nowhere.
The last couple weeks I have also noticed that My body will not take in food. Naturally and sort of by choice. At first it felt like I was going through a buddha phase. I felt this because I have been reading a book from doreen virtue called, " Archangels and Ascended Masters."
In this book the author introduces to the reader, the names and purpose of each archangel and master. And at the end there is a prayer that the reader can use to call upon this particular angel or master.
And with this book, at first when I was reading it, I noticed how my body would get into this deep sleep feeling.. Almost like feeling Like I was in a trance and that my body was going to pass out. Then this is where the next morning, my body would wake up early, then go back to sleep to have dreams.
Anyway besides that, the reason I brought that book up, was because I think I have been feeling each archangels presence. Maybe so? I am not sure, it is just a feeling.
And the Buddha thing.. I got to the part in the book about him. Then the next day, my body woke up early that morning. Then my body and mind felt loopy, and at work I had a flood of emotions, then afterwards, I had a moment of feeling my mind was somewhere else at the end of the day. Thats when I started a meditation, naturally. Thats when I learned about using my imagination and manifestation and decided to write a blog and do a video about it.. Because it felt real and I also felt excited about it.. Because I experienced it at a interesting level. It felt magical.
During that process of changes with my soul mind and body, my body was rejecting food. I felt hungry, but when I would try to eat, it would make me feel sick, and my soul was needing no more food, so I could almost like... Continue with the flow of emotions and the process. My body needed to stay in the zone of clarity.
Then later that night I had another subject come up for me, Addiction. It came up for me because of the flood of emotions about feeling angered at my ex boyfriend with a life choice he made. I had to vent and express myself to him, by talking it out, to myself, or with some energy that was with me in that moment. Then it reached me to the conclusion and word..Addiction. All these behaviors from my ex I had seen over the years made sense to me, it seemed that there was some sort of addiction going on with him. Then I also came to the conclusion about being addicted to certain habits in a general way, too. Then I felt an urge to write about it. And on my facebook, I wrote the word "Addiction." that was it. Then I was blessed, with a phone call from my mother. She wanted to know why I wrote that word. We began to talk for a while about that subject. The more and more we talked about it, the more we found it made sense to us that addictions to behaviors/habits/things/substances/food/hiding in fear.. That this could be what duals who we are and our closeness to our higher self and duals our senses. It made sense to me. It made sense as to why over the past year, why my body kept rejecting external substances. I had to completely remove myself from bad choices from a bad environment over the past year, because my body was having a a crazy allergic reaction to a substance I had been putting in my body. I did not mind dropping the certain external substance though, because I did not like it at all anyhow. Lol.
But back to the experience of my buddha day. A hour later after my phone conversation with my mother, about the word addiction, doreen virtue posted a blog on her facebook, about detoxing from addiction. Lol after reading her blog... I was like, whoooaaaa!!! I couldn't believe she posted it shortly after I was thinking and talking and understanding the dueling process from addiction. It felt magical. It felt like she had wrote that to give me validation and to confirm my understanding of it. Then I felt like an angel was with me, whom was validating that what I was processing through, was correct. That they were saying, the archangel, that he was with me.
I felt that my body was going through his buddha's meditation. Then that night, in the middle of the night, I looked up the story about buddha's journey to his enlightenment. After reading about his process, I felt that I had so much love for him. Reason being was because I felt that I got who he was, I understood his quotes. I understood what his messages meant, which are so worldly known. I understood him. It felt magical.. My body also went into shock as well.
Now since that night, my body feels it is detoxing still. I feel strongly about certain foods and make certain choices as to what to eat. Lol what I used to eat, I strongly, without knowing why, can not eat it. I do not not feel like over indulging in food either. When I do eat, it has to be light, or I start to feel sick. Then I can barely eat. I don't understand it, but it is what it is.
Now my body still wakes up in the middle of the night too. I have weird dreams too, on occasion. My body wants to detox from stuff and habits it no longer needs too. I feel like this urge, will, courage, excitement to detox away from habits mainly. The release from habits btw, means for me, to lets my emotions flow. Facing my emotions.. Its not like I let old habits just float away, my body needs to go through the process of releasing the emotions behind the habits to fully let go of the habits.
So tonight, I woke up feeling like a emotion of impatience. Lol. I felt excitement and yet boredom too. Like, my body just needs to get started on some sort of journey or different lifestyle soon. Not sure of what or when that journey is though.. But my body is itching and ready for it. Don't understand why I feel so impatient lol.. I just feel like, starting tomorrow, that I need to start on some important, and different lifestyle then what I've been in. Lol. My body feels so jumpy....That it had to wake up at 3:00am again to feel this emotion and write about this feeling.
I dig the process. I feel excited too, writing about it, expressing it, because it makes sense more and more I express, after writing, it unfolds more and I am back in the process. Its interesting..
Anyway goodnight, good morning, good afternoon everyone! Thank you for reading.
Lots of Love!
Clarity, love, rest, adventure, courage