I decided to quit all my jobs and sell/give away everything i had and left Maui a month ago to Come to Costa Rica with someone i trusted and Loved, in order to help him chase his dream. Since i got here 12 days ago, I got Robbed by strangers and also by the guy who called himself a friend to us. My man abandoned me and my heart is broke. Now i'm on my own waiting for the date i can finally fly back to a place where I'm safe and truly being cared for and about. Trying my best with all my effort to stay in a state of gratitude for what i do have and the people that i met that helped me out down here so far and gave me a home to stay at for the remainder of the time. I know i brought this about since i had a feeling things were going to get messy if i took this journey. and so they did. and in a way i am grateful for it because i now know for sure that this is not a person i can trust the rest of my life with. he may be extremely loyal in some ways but not at all in others.. It is not that he is a bad person, it is that he is unable to take the back seat for someone he cares for. He puts his own needs first in order to protect himself. Is that what true commitment is? The commitment to the Self? but i refuse to believe that i was a threat to him for wanting him at my side when i got scared....How will the self ever be satisfied if it does not understand it's relation to all that is, and therefore also partnership? I feel there's an appropriateness to putting others needs first in order to eventually satisfy your own higher self. does a hungry mother stop feeding her child? I know I'm not needy as a child. in fact I am the one who walked away physically because i had already been mentally, emotionally and spiritually abandoned by this guy. My mind and my heart are in a battle and I am drifting between numbness, shock, sadness and deep deep pain.
How can anyone be sooo shut down and SELFish?