The 100 Day Reality Challenge

Wow, I'm in the first week now and I've seen both the good and the bad. I've seen small manifesting the entire way too, which I love. Yet, my emotions have been all over the place up and down. In my first entry, I mention trying to make a vision board and everything with "Changes" kept popping up. Now I see why.

My goals are to learn about myself and I'm continuing to do that every day. I'm sad inside and have been trying to hide under a smile for a long time, when really looked inside I learned that most of it stems back 6-7 years ago. So I have a lot of letting go to do and forgiveness. I have issues that need to be worked on and I learned I'm not happy with the way I look anymore. I use to be, use to not let words get to me,b ut they all caught up and I'm where I am. I know if I lost some weight in the tummy area (flattened it some) and toned up I'd feel much better. I'm also taking all the junk out of my diet, starting today. I'll be taking out most of our pasta (we only ate since it was so cheap) and replacing them with veggies and fruit. I went down to one coffee (starbucks) a day over the weekend (which was hard) and today it'll be NONE. I"m replacing that with water and I bought a 12 pk of slimfast, not sure how that will go. This is just the beginning of learning about myself. I'm also reading a few books from Esther and Jerry. I found a pilates DVD I'll probably buy when I get the money and I've been dressing nicely every morning. Slowly I'm liking myself more and more, course there are still critical days.

On the hubby front- last night I finally got the courage to spit the words "We need to talk" out and I was shocked. I'd told him on friday and all he said was maybe and we'll see. Saturday he was all nice, as he was Sunday, but never got around to it. Sunday (last night) I knew I had to get it out or I'd regret not doing it. I did most of the talking, he commented a few times when he thought I was wrong. I explained how there is a huge difference between him and me and there shouldn't be. How he can spend so much yet when I ask for a book $30 is all I can have and I've went to the bookstore 4 times in a year. I told him how I feel more like his babysitter than his wife, etc. I told him all of it, even how I thought divorce might help us. I did this all calmly too, tears fell a few times but it wasn't all crazy. he told me he'd still do it and no no counseling. I tried explaining we needed a counselor otherwise I bottle up everything until everything comes out at once and he just never speaks which makes it worse. he did express he was mad (and never wanted me to talk with his dad again. plus he gets money from him from time to time so he needed to know I think) I went to his dad, but his dad is an addict or was, now he's recovering (different addiction) and I thought he'd be able to help on the hubby front and his wife could help me. In the end, we both sat on opposite ends of the beds, he had barely said anything so I've no clue where we are. But the words are out and he knows how I feel. He left today without even the word goodbye, I"m use to no I love you or whatever, but not a goodbye was weird.

This week I hope to continue on my journey of self-discovery, I cut out all my pieces for my vision board which was an interesting experience. (more on that later) I also need to manifest a bigger income for myself to begin coming in this month. So those are the goals for right now, possible to change.

@Emha, you are right I was doing what you said. I was trying to be upbeat and realize now I should just share the real emotions, good and bad.

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Comment by Homemom3 on February 2, 2009 at 10:58am
I think that's what this blog has become, kind of a journal through it all. I do agree I feel more at peace today, even though I'm hurting and still have other thoughts but for the most part I feel good about the talk. I don't know if it even went through to him but I at least tried adn know I did.

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