Ok, so here is the deal. Things have been going great for me in most areas, but I realized a couple of days ago that I have been avoiding one area of my life entirely. That’s a romantic relationship. Even just writing that makes me feel uneasy. Maybe it’s because I don’t really want one, but just feel like I should. But why do I not really want one? I am afraid that it would take away from my life rather than add to it. The truth is I know in my heart that this is an issue I have to deal with now. It’s an area of life I have been avoiding all my adult life ( i am 30) and I have to figure out why and face my fears in order to move forward. So what are my fears? Perhaps that being in a relationship will distract me from my life goals, although I know that a real love based relationship should fill me up to achieve them. I fear judgment. I fear revealing myself. I fear sex. I know none of these fears are real. I don’t even know if I really fear them, I am just trying to think of reasons why I am not in a relationship. What do I need to do to break myself of my rut? I am asking the universe for an answer.
I think its simpler. I just don't know what to do. How do I open myself up to the possibilty? Its true the feeling makes me uneasy, so that is where there is the possibility of growth. I am a brave person, a feel the fear and do it anyway. I meet tons of new people in my day to day life.
I am attractive. I get hit on plenty, tends to be older sleezy men though. I get told I am beautiful by strangers and acquaintances regularly.Perhaps that has made me build a wall around myself...
I really dont want to join a dating site or start talking to strangers on the street. I feel like its some thing I have to open myself to internally, and the unease i feel tells me that there is a door not yet open. Any advice? Sorry this was such a rambling and contradictory blog!
I did the write a list thing a few months back. I did meet someone who fulfilled an old list but that realtionship was a lovely experience, but temporary due to geography and made me realise a few things that i needed to add to the list.