This season, one of my very powerful intentions is to release the clutter in my life, a lot of which is in piles...ok, no-mounds...oh, alright already - MOUNTAINS - in my home. I have already dug out from under quite a lot and Goodwill has reaped the benefits of that several times over now. I think I should note that releasing has not historically been an easy thing for me to do...so the several SUV loads of stuff I have turned over to Goodwill is such a major step for me.
I am choosing to feel empowered about this development, and see it as a heave-ho to resistance that resides deep within me...as opposed to the stressful rumbling in my tummy that keeps niggling at me trying to get me to feel that I have somehow just lost something very important to me, perhaps even a part of me. Ok...well actually, I am just listening to it all and feeling it all, all the while wondering what this resistance is all about.
I never would have been able to reflect upon these thoughts and feelings if I didn't just jump in with both feet and release my stuff out into the world. Truly, I doubt I would have even known I was experiencing any kind of resistance. I probably would have chalked it all up to me being unorganized or not having enough space for all of my stuff! In fact, I am quite sure I have heard phrases such as those cross my lips many times over the years.
So, I have been reflecting and while I cannot say that I have reached any definitive conclusions as to the origins of this resistance, I can say that some things have occurred to me. The least of these being that it may seem silly to some people that I have such difficulty letting go of clothes and toys and shoes that no longer fit my children, but I am starting to think that it's not really the stuff, but what the stuff represents.
I think that what I may be resisting is just how quickly they change and get bigger and grow up and how little control I have over how quickly the moments turn into days then months then years. I love them just as much this moment, if not more...but I miss the moments that slipped away far to quickly.
I think I am just going to sit with those feelings of sadness and let them represent. After all, feelings such as these are part of the honor of being a mother.