So I wrote a horrible post this morning, I was so angry I feel terrible thinking about it, so I won't. I've chatted w/my ex and realize how he has nothing to do with me. Only I control my thinking. He can treat me only as I allow him to and I control my reaction to everything, which then creates my reality. I actually feel badly about begrudging him happiness. He can't have felt good treating people badly and if he's able to change and move forward, good for him. I'm going to do the same. I am going to let go of my anger and forgive him. When his new chick arrives I will welcome her into the fold. It must be difficult moving into such a tight knit group knowing that I'm the ex and I'm pretty beloved here.
I am also going to focus on the positives of my life. I've been invited to Nepal next month to travel w/a sweet, handsome german boy that I met in February, but didn't consider bc I was so wrapped up in my former situation. He's persisted for seven months and is willing to fly to Asia to see me, that's not a small thing. Also, in thinking what I want in a life partner I decided that whomever I end up with needs to be as wonderful as my sweet kiwi ex. Our parting ways is what brought me to ccor three years ago and I never stopped loving him. At the beginning of the month I realized I have nothing to lose so I emailed him to see how he is doing. I have horrible confidence at the moment and didn't expect a response, but then a few days later?? He wrote back and we chatted back and forth about our lives. Nothing too serious but it felt wonderful none the less. These are the things I want to focus my attention on. Yes, I didn't get what I thought I wanted out of this recent relationship, but I did learn about what I don't want in my life. I've clearly identified behavior that I'm not willing to accept going forward and I appreciate the men in my life that have genuinely cared for me.
I am so very grateful for the opportunity to see my thoughts written down. Gives them a weight that I don't realize when they're racing through my veins, affecting my everything. This perspective is the greatest opportunity to grow and be who I know I'm meant to be.
Much love and light and thanks to all, mwah!