The 100 Day Reality Challenge

Four days in and I must admit that this season hasn't been feeling amazingly natural this go around. I think about what I'm meant to do daily, but that wide open YAY sense of being hadn't hit, for the most part.

My world lately, has been focused on this boy that has been an absolute roller coaster for the past two years. Sometimes he's amazing and I feel like I could love him and heal him, a dangerous way of thinking for me. Thankfully he always manages to be mean and snap at me, which honestly feels like a slap in the face his energy is so toxic and palpable. Anyway, he came to me recently to tell me he's now with another girl and she'll be moving into our world (we live and work at a small resort in Borneo, shared housing, shared space 24/7) this month to give it a go. I've been so nervous about having this major chunk of my life change, and so focused on how his family (owns our resort) has been bending over backwards to welcome her, when they never did for me, that I've failed to notice that this should be good news for me. I'm free. I never deserved to be taken so casually. And I usually felt worse for having interacted with him. Yet every morning  I've been waking up with a sinking feeling about poor me, I'm the last single man standing here. Aggh!


In trying to get into the right mind frame, I've been watching Abraham videos all morning and realize it's as simple as letting go of thoughts that feel bad. Duh! Of course it is. Why would I focus on feeling like poo? Why can I not see that I am now free and open to be treated like a queen? I'm the last single person in my world...great! Then I can have my pick of all the wonderful men that life is surely sending my way.

To be honest this still feels a little forced, will continue watching videos and try to get back to a naturally positive way of being. Honestly don't like writing when I'm like this bc I feel like I'm sullying a forum that is so wonderfully positive and light. Hmm, that thought didn't feel good. Oh dear, lessons learned are pointless unless practiced. Back to youtube...wish me luck!

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Comment by Love Life on September 7, 2012 at 12:30am

Hey Monica, I know sort of what you're going through........but do know that YOU ARE AMAZING, AND YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO SEE'S HOW AMAZING JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!! That man will come one day if you intend it!!  Let go of this guy asap, and start dreaming of the new one to come into your life!!

Wishing you much love, happiness, and peace!!

Comment by N on September 7, 2012 at 12:18am

I can relate! :)  The first step to change, is awareness..... so you are doing well!  I chose to acknowledge each thought of my ex, with the actual problem I was substituting him for... ie) thought:  I miss him, replacement:  I feel lonely... how can I resolve this feeling?  Hmmm.... I could call a friend, go out dancing,  or even just think to myself, "I am missing him because I feel lonely... there are so many wonderful people in this earth, who would love to spend time with me.  I guess I am ready to start meeting new people."  I found that when I obsessed over him, it wasn't him that was the problem... it was a sign that I had an unfulfilled need 9to cuddle, to talk with a friend, sex...etc), once I started equating my thoughts of him with th REAL need, it was really easy to get over him...  he wasn't the reason I felt yucky, and I when I came up with alternate solutions to my needs, presto, I was able to move on and be happy.  Hopefully this is a little helpful!  It took a bit of greiving, and letting go before this was easy, but it always feels better than pining for what didn't work! :) 

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