Four days in and I must admit that this season hasn't been feeling amazingly natural this go around. I think about what I'm meant to do daily, but that wide open YAY sense of being hadn't hit, for the most part.
My world lately, has been focused on this boy that has been an absolute roller coaster for the past two years. Sometimes he's amazing and I feel like I could love him and heal him, a dangerous way of thinking for me. Thankfully he always manages to be mean and snap at me, which honestly feels like a slap in the face his energy is so toxic and palpable. Anyway, he came to me recently to tell me he's now with another girl and she'll be moving into our world (we live and work at a small resort in Borneo, shared housing, shared space 24/7) this month to give it a go. I've been so nervous about having this major chunk of my life change, and so focused on how his family (owns our resort) has been bending over backwards to welcome her, when they never did for me, that I've failed to notice that this should be good news for me. I'm free. I never deserved to be taken so casually. And I usually felt worse for having interacted with him. Yet every morning I've been waking up with a sinking feeling about poor me, I'm the last single man standing here. Aggh!
In trying to get into the right mind frame, I've been watching Abraham videos all morning and realize it's as simple as letting go of thoughts that feel bad. Duh! Of course it is. Why would I focus on feeling like poo? Why can I not see that I am now free and open to be treated like a queen? I'm the last single person in my world...great! Then I can have my pick of all the wonderful men that life is surely sending my way.
To be honest this still feels a little forced, will continue watching videos and try to get back to a naturally positive way of being. Honestly don't like writing when I'm like this bc I feel like I'm sullying a forum that is so wonderfully positive and light. Hmm, that thought didn't feel good. Oh dear, lessons learned are pointless unless practiced. Back to youtube...wish me luck!