Yesterday, I learned very much while reading a creative visualization book. I learned that it is practice and each day, I must work with myself on loving myself. I was doing well in building momentum to visualize until I saw an email of my ex cursing me out in response to a letter I sent a few days ago. "I don't forget. I don't forgive." "I gave you a chance, you blew it." and "Forget this love crap. I don't care about your feelings." were some of the phrases in a stream of curses.
It felt like a knife carving through my soul. And that is when all of the visualization made sense and I finally accepted what the universe and people who care for me have told me. "Let go." I thought that letting go was hard, but reading such brutal words in his response felt as if my spirit had just been strangled. It sounds dramatic, yes, but it is a physical pain that I can actually feel. I do not want to question it, I do want to hide, but I will not hide.
I did try to hide yesterday in a Christian bookstore. I was raised Christian so being there kind of reminded me of my childhood. I bought a Bible, I haven't read one in a long while. I read the book of Job. As I read the book of Job, I reflected on this entire year. Lost the apartment, lost my hair, lost my favorite job and lost my fiance. But is it really a loss? For in the story Job, all that he had was restored and made better. He kept a positive outlook and found joy when he could easily be bitter. Because he sent out that energy, he was given back all that was taken away and as a bonus rewarded for his strength and faith. I believe the universe works in such a way. It says "Though shalt decree a thing and it shall be established unto thee: and the light shall shine upon thy ways." Job 22:28
And though I am still shaken up by the horrible paragraph I was sent to destroy me, I forgive my ex because he is robbing himself of love and understanding. Refusing to forgive a person is like plaque in a blood vessel and you will only destroy yourself. I pray that he lets go and in the future, he will open his heart and realize this principle. There is no place for hatred in a universe that is so loving and gives so willingly.
I pray for peace, I am grateful for the person I will become. I attract love into my life when it is the time to. I am beautiful too and I deserve joy too. I will spend each day saying my affirmations and healing myself because I want to heal others. I want to be a vessel of love, not hurt. I fill myself with peace. I am putting my energy into my goals. I am not conquered, I am liberated