The 100 Day Reality Challenge

Ok that time flew by.  I kept thinking i hadn't started a new season and I would give my self time off till i was ready.  came back today and look i already started!

AND!  I've already done stuff  Manifested new head shpts... i'll share one proof here with you, it's not done yet but here i am in all my green screen glory!  This was on my list to manifest for season 1.  And it was done!  Not with a magic wand mind you but with lots of work.  This is a year for big changes and I have to be ready.  This season the largest thing is to manifest beginning study again (as you age you need to take lessons to keep it up.  As a large low voice i could sing till nearly 70ish if i am vigilant an take lessons etc...).  

Last 100 days the apartment was what was big and i am happy to report that this is near the time of PAINTING!!!!!!!  Today I have laundry, dishes and bed to do... since i seem to wait till all the laundry is used up before doing it it's a big deal, the sink full, the bed cluttered....  so this season another manifestation is to do thinks a little at a time consistently more often.. redundant... 

Lastly the thing I want to highlight to manifest is 5 new audition arias done and ready to go on a minutes notice.  A challenge to be sure but it's time.  



you know what... that should be number one.  I really don't usually care what i look like when i leave the house but I feel so much better when I look like I do in this pic.  more powerful, capable, confident.  I know those things come from the inside.  I'd like my outside to mirror my inside because what I show to the world does matter.


Tee... heee......

This was a selfish post.

I have been listening to an audio bible as i go to sleep because i need to refocus on God.  God gave me gifts, lots and lots of gifts and it's my duty to use and develop them as far as they will go.  Including care for my furbabys, help at rescuing animals. caring or my elderly parents and other people as needed... 

to do all that I need to care for myself.  Because with out ME in my best form, those things are not possible.  Learned that the hard way over a decade ago.  Now i've recovered enough to put the lesson into action.

Now i'm posting this before i re read too much band think too hard about. it.. moving on..

oh p.s.  that pic is a proof of about 600... it's nekkid' as a jaybird with no photoshop... all me!  (they aren't ready and it's a green screen - i'm paying them off!)  Not bad for a 50 yr old broad!  I always knew I was like a rare deep red wine that would be at it's prime later on... and here I am.  look out world you are going to enjoy the wine!  a rare, distinct, sweet, smooth vintage that satisfies all your taste buds!

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Comment by Yogini Jeni on October 30, 2014 at 12:28pm

PS I love the new head shot!

Comment by Susan on October 30, 2014 at 11:15am


Comment by Susan on October 30, 2014 at 11:14am

p. whatever s we're up to... lololol  literally

this part of the lyrics I actually do ... love it... of course i've also been known to talk like a pirate and dress like a giant chicken... yes that is the truth.

"Now I have friends and I'm not such a loser 
But I go to bars all alone and I sit there 
And order red wine and I write and I like being alone around people 
Yes that's how I like it

And I've already spent too much time 
Doing things I didn't want to 
So if I wanna sit here and write and drink wine 
You can bet your black ass that I'm going to

Yes I come here often 
Sure I'll have another one 
Yes I come here often 
Sure I'll have another one 
But I don't have to talk to you"

Comment by Susan on October 30, 2014 at 11:08am

p.s, for those of you that don't know about the vid....

Full title: "Do You Swear To Tell The Truth The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth So Help Your Black Ass"

On April 6, 2010 Amanda Palmer announced (via her twitter account that after a long legal battle, she had finally been released from her contract with Roadrunner Records.

To celebrate this auspicious occasion, she released a brand new, previously unreleased song " Do You Swear To Tell The Truth The Whole Truth And Nothing But The Truth So Help Your Black Ass" which fans and music aficionados alike can download free of charge (This is the first time since 2003 she has been able to do this legally without breaching her contract with Roadrunner Records).

Before any of you complain to me (or about Amanda) regarding the title of this song please read this:

"Before any of you get up in arms about the title (peoples gettin mighty sensitive lately) please know:
the title is a reference to a lyric in a song called fuck tha police by a band called Niggaz With Attitude. look it up."

You can read more about this epic event by visiting Amanda's blog at

To download the song (absolutely free of charge) AND find out a bit about the background of the song visit

Celebrate this amazing event! Download the song and tell all your friends!! "Amanda Palmer loves you - she gave us all a free song!!"

The photos in this "video" are included in the download file for "The Truth..."

Comment by Susan on October 30, 2014 at 11:07am

JOY - that's what I truly am.  JOY in life means being alive whatever the emotion....  when i don't take care of myself i'm in a cocoon, egg, shell.  not alive but hiding.

i'm typing all this for me, to work it out,. not for you jen... lol!

Comment by Susan on October 30, 2014 at 11:05am

not taking care of myself just makes me smaller.... and God made me this big larger than life personality in many ways.  I need to revel in it, not hide from it.

Comment by Susan on October 30, 2014 at 11:03am

p.s. lonely meaning not alone with no one else, lonely meaning not happy being with myself and that being enough.   we all need other people but we have to comfortable being who we are and enjoying it first.

Which is why I love this vid so much!!!!!

Amanda Palmer - "The Truth"

"I'm perfectly happy with all that has happened 
And I still get laughed at but it doesn't bother me 
I'm just so glad to hear laughter around me

And I've already spent too much time 
Doing things I didn't want to

So if I want to drink alone dressed like a pirate 
Or look like a dyke 
Or wear high heels and lipstick 
Or hide in a convent 
Or try to be mayor 
Or marry a writer 
Smoke crack and slash tires 
Make jokes you don't like 
Or paint ducks and retire


I keep coming back to this song year after year and get closer to realizing it all the time.

the only thing getting in my way is anxiety/fear.....  courage - i can do stuff people think is courageous and that's easy...  but facing what scares you and doing it because you love it or have to but either way doing it anyway... that;s courage... work in progress.

Comment by Susan on October 30, 2014 at 10:44am

For me it's not putting on a costume.  It's just taking care of myself.  I admit to being most comfortable when I take care of myself and look nice to myself.  the rest is just a security blanket to deny facing the anxiety of being who I really am... if that makes any sense at all and I don't claim that it does.  My true self is the lady in the pic to the left.  The other is a depressed, anxiety ridden, sad, fearful, lonely person with no hope.  I'm tired of being that person.  She's safer and easier but she also keeps me from living life.  It's not a question of make up or no make up or costume or regular for me.  For me it's a matter of self care, something I have been admittedly poor at.  I allow others to determine that too much, do i sound good, do they like me, do i fit in and to avoid all that i either sing off voice, don't dress well or care for me so that I can hide and hopefully not get noticed enough to incur someone's wrath... well finally i've realized that that is simply too bloody painful to continue.

God gave me who I am and I need to be a better steward so that I can enjoy all the gifts i've been given and fly as I am supposed to.  Wether I fail or not is non material in the long run (although it would be upsetting)  But did i have the courage to be myself.  Something I have been hiding from because of the costs from others... for you sweats are great, for me they are a comfortable shield from letting life in to affect me.  And that's not good.

Comment by Yogini Jeni on October 30, 2014 at 9:50am

Wonderful post! I know just what you mean about feeling better about yourself when you get dressed up. Around the house and around my neighborhood, I wear big, baggy sweats, and it's strange--- I actually feel like I'm putting on a costume when I get dressed to go to rehearsal! That's how you see me... in my "costume" LOL! I feel so much better about myself when I'm in my costume..... but I feel so much more comfortable and myself when I'm in my sweats! Hmmmm...

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