Harmony with land is like harmony with a friend;
you cannot cherish his right hand and chop off his left...
You cannot love game and hate predators;
You cannot conserve the waters and waste the ranges;
You cannot build the forest and mine the farm.
The land is one organism.
"The Round River"
I can't believe that I am on Season 4 Day 84 of the 100 day reality challenge. Anything can happen at this point and just might. After 100 days the next season begins and I have met a lot of very inspiring people in the last 100 days. I have so many writings that I started years ago and never finished. These people helped me come out of my writing slump and made me get back into main-stream.
This season or (past 100 days) has been about finishing projects and de-cluttering my life. For having less, I am still grateful.
I have a lot to be thankful for. I have made some positive changes in my life. I have given up the blond hair and gone back to my native roots. What do you think? Do I look better as a brunette? I got tired of the expense and upkeep. Face it. Blond hair is high maintenance and I just didn't have the time or patience for it any longer. Simplicity is my new mantra in every area of my life. I managed to get a buyer for the Colorado property and that will be good if we have to leave come February. I can use the money to get us some place else. Hopefully still in the country and in the mountains. Land here is between $6,000-10,000 per acre. Way too much if you ask me but being so close to Knoxville I guess it is to be expected.
Trying to find another place to stay that allows pets is tough, I may end up buying some property and us having to live in a temporary camper until I can get a mobile brought in. I have spent the last three years trying to keep this place and fix it up for the landlord at the same time because it was a disaster when we moved in. I feel like I have used up all of my good energy for nothing. I want my own home darn it! I am 41. All of my friends have their own home. Why can't I? Why am I struggling all the time? I have faith and I believe and I just have to keep holding on.
Even though my next 100 days is going to be about dealing with chronic health problems. That's right. I was just diagnosed with moderate Scoliosis in my back, which is causing my lumbar pain, and Chronic Neutropenia, which is a rare and occasionally fatal blood disorder caused from having too low of white blood cells in my blood. I now have to watch out for any bacterial infections and being around crowds because they can be deadly to my weak immune system. Even touching a doorknob that someone else touched can be fatal because of germs and bacteria. I have to wash my hands a lot and wash my vegetables and fruits (which I do anyway) so nothing really has changed on that note except staying away from sick folks. Which I just happened to notice seem to be everywhere
The blood disorder usually follows a Cancer treatment. (I had the tumor removed in 2006.) go figure.
And what's odd is I have had it over a year (or more) and the docs didn't even tell me. I could have died from just being around sick people! I should have known this over a year ago! No wonder I am always so tired and weak! And pale and sick! Geez!
But don't you cry for me Argentina because I am not about to slow down now!
Nope, I have upped my exercise to 2+ miles of walking per day to try to boost my immune system a bit. I have to go back in a few weeks to see if it is helping me any. I have to be careful that the condition doesn't turn into cancer of the blood or bone marrow or Leukemia. Did I mention I am tired? oh ok.
I Went back to ER. Yep, that is twice in two months! ((I am running up quite a bar tab there.)) lol. The first was for the fractured rib that I got just by lifting my 50lb daughter into a shopping cart and the second was for choking on a piece of rice. I couldn't stop coughing! Geez how embarrassing.
The hunky male nurse accused me of trying to stalk him. lol. He has room to talk; we have already been to first base! (he saw my chest x-rays!) he knows what I look like from the inside out. lol.
While in the ER I realized those people have it good! I should have went to school for that!
They should be reported to the "fun" police for having too much "fun" on the job! How dare they! All that business of laughing and carrying on. I didn't recognize it because I am used to working for the Third Reich. heick! In Soviet Russia, they would all be shot!
They gave me a great pain reducing shot that resembled a weird mushroom trip I took in the early 80's that felt like being in a bazaar Tom Petty video. You know the one.
And don't you dare get me started on Helga, the nurse-who must have been half blind or just plain unsympathetic by nature gave no care about finding the right vein and caused me to yelp out in pain more than once. I could see the thirst in her eyes and she kept poking around while bruising my arm.
I finally asked her "You do have experience doing this ...right??" (I imagined her getting trained back during the cold war when people used to just get stuck instead of vaccinated.) yeeeeooowwwwyyyy.
I went to my back doctor's appointment and those results were also very bad. He said he could relieve *some* of my symptoms and pain in my lumbar area and left hip but could not cure me completely.
So.......yea...well... I got put on bed rest (like that was going to happen with a 3rd grader) and light duty for six weeks but it didn't help me. I still feel like crap and I am still chasing off hunter's that want the family of deer that live here on the property. It is a constant battle. I have now been fighting for my disability for a whole year. If I live long enough to get it I am going on a week long vacation.
Aho Mitakuye' Oyasin,
Still love ya baby!