The 100 Day Reality Challenge

First Anniversary of The Dark Night of The Soul

It was Memorial Day 2014 when my partner of 14 years informed me he was leaving and moving to Vermont. It took me a couple of months to find out about the other woman, which I suspected, anyway. I actually forgave him a week or two later, in late July. Because the Unforgiveness was eating me alive. The self-pity, the jealousy, the feelings of abandonment and betrayal... As soon as I forgave him, all those bad feelings disappeared. 

These days, I feel very Paradoxical about the whole experience.

I seriously miss him so much. I miss a daddy for my doggy and kitty, I miss the co-head of household, I miss the handyman, the mechanic, the person to cook for and go home to, and all that. I especially miss my lifestyle that I had, before I needed to double my income.

But, at the same time, I feel so liberated and excited and free and like the world is my oyster. And I'm Happy. I have nobody dragging me down anymore and I'm 100% responsible for myself. 

Bashar calls Paradox the "Point of Power" because "if you are understanding things which appear to be opposites at the same time that means you have to be in the center of those two things; they have to both be coming from you, and therefore, that positions you squarely at the center, squarely at the balance point, which is your Point of Power."

So, from my Point of Power, I can be in Choice and know that when I am aligning myself with my Purpose (music, yoga, happiness), I am on the Right Path. And I can also know, because I come from that Point of Power, that my ex is also on his own Path, searching for his own Purpose, and our Paths are not aligned right Now. Perhaps someday, but not Now.

And there is a deep Peace in that knowing.

And, as long as I am enjoying every moment, whether I am all by myself, with a bunch of friends, family, colleagues, patrons, co-workers, customers, or if it's just me and my dog, then All is well.

And, if you will excuse me, I now go to enjoy blissful nothingness. Just Be :)

"All shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well." (Julian of Norwich)

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Comment by Bettina on May 28, 2015 at 8:17am

  great, Jenifer !

Comment by Heather Marie on May 28, 2015 at 12:00am
Well put! The paradox of power is amazing place to be.

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