Hello friends -
I abandoned my Season 5 almost a year ago and although I wasn't blogging I managed to get into a positive state of mind and maintain it. Good things happened - temporarily:
My relationship started again - he actually came back to me, which was entirely unexpected. However, in fear of losing him again, I chose not to address the problems/talk them through. And he seemed to have matured and learned a lot from our seperation and was genuinely trying. I don't think I had ever been happier in our relationship...for a while. Then it all started dwindling where he started digressing to his old immature behavior for much of the time and I realized he has commitment issues. When I confronted him about what our future might hold, he freaked out and reacted really unkindly and we split up....again. Now we're talking again about trying to work things out, but I feel quite resentful towards him and I feel he can be incredibly cruel to me. I'm not sure what will happen but I am trying to be strong.
Work has been at a complete standstill. My old manager threw me under the bus when it came to my promotion. My new manager was a much better advocate and when he successfully got my promotion approved, there was a budget issue preventing my receiving it. I'm disappointed and feel ..well I feel like a failure.
My side business is also at a standstill. Despite making a lot of progress, I have hit a roadblock with investment. I purchased a condo in January and have put a lot of money into it, so I don't have a lot of liquidity to take my business to the next level.
My headaches stopped after I started doing Bikram Yoga, but a couple of weeks ago I got sick and with a lingering cough, I'm not able to go back even though I was on a great rhythm and managed to lose some weight.
I have to admit, things have taken such a low turn for me that I've been wondering if there is any point to continue in this lifetime. I'm lonely and sad and I'm not seeing how things will ever change for me. I've forgotten all the things I have to be grateful for. I've seen other peoples; lives move in the direction I want to go and feel like I'm left in the dust.
So I've decided to make another effort at the LOA and see what I can accomplish and give it another shot.
Wish me luck friends....