Thursday was OK - The movie I went to see was quite funny but the socializing before was a little awkward since I don't know any of the others besides my friend who organized the evening and the one girl I had met before is just not someone I would ever befriend so I wasn't too thrilled with the company. I did however leave work early and get a chance to relax at home for a little while.
Friday I went to see Amma who was a few blocks away from me. It's the first time I've been to one of her "darshan"s and I found it interesting, although I didn't feel the life-changing experiences that a lot of others have claimed to feel. I also had a Radiance Energy session there and didn't feel an immediate effect from that either although I tried to be as open as possible during the session. I will admit that my headaches have subsided since I had the Radiance Energy session, so it might be working. I just don't think I'm as attuned to to those types of shifts in energy, etc. as others may be as some others after the sessions were saying how powerful they felt it was for them.
I was pretty upset when I got home because it turned out my plans for the weekend to celebrate my birthday were no longer moving forward. This was all due to a person I thought was a friend and had committed to coming but then cancelled without even directly informing me and his not coming meant no one could go because it would have ended up being a couply trip which would have been awkward. I let my so-called friend know I wasn't pleased with him and then just avoided my phone for the rest of the evening and had a solo pity party for myself with some wine.
The next day I still felt awful but I just stayed home and worked on some of the stuff on my side-project and watched TV. By the next morning, I let myself get all worked up again and wanted to speak to someone so I spoke to "R". He was pretty shocked at how upset I was by everything and really tried to talk me into letting him plan something else for me but I wasn't really in the mood. He did the same thing today, but we also met for lunch and went to the mall, where he tried to make it up to me there too. At least he was there for me and felt bad about what happened even though it wasn't altogether his fault (it was the so-called friend's fault). I just wanted to not feel so lonely and angry, and wanted to know someone here cared about me and he did that, which is what I needed.
I'm sure I'm PMSing but I also feel genuinely hurt by the lack of effort that people I thought were friends made and their not following through on promises they made to me. I guess the lesson here is that you just don't know who your true friends are. In my life I've been rejected a lot - by people - from a very young age. I should be more defensive about myself and set my expectations much lower, but I continue to give and expect the same in return and I keep getting disappointed by others. I need to find a way to change that about myself because it's not something that has helped me in my life. I think I need to learn that most people are only there for you when its convenient for them and you should never rely on people to show you they care about you in any way. "R" always says you should have no expectations and then you will never be disappointed by anyone, and I always thought of that as a very cynical attitude. However, now I think he may be onto something....
Hope everyone had a good Memorial Day weekend.